


Learning From My Mistakes

by Jupiterra



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Adult High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Complete, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Swearing, other characters show up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 18:35:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15563943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jupiterra/pseuds/Jupiterra
Summary: Toris goes back to school as an adult. He learns more than math problems when he falls for the beautiful Natalia. Follow the journey from strangers to lovers, and beyond, in this domestic tale.An entry for a "Back to School" contest on the Creators of Hetalia Discord Server (a chat program if you are unaware).





	1. Chapter 1

Toris nervously fixed his shaggy brown hair as he sweated before his reflection. It was long due to neglect more than anything else. Who had time for hair cuts when you were busy working? It was easier to rake it back into a man bun and move on.

“Toris, you need to totally hurry up. The car might explode if it idles too long.” His colourful roommate, Felix, yelled through the bedroom door.

“The car won't explode. I fixed it last week. Just... come in here and tell me if my outfit looks good.” Toris shot back.

Felix walked in, wearing a hot pink shirt with 'Ya Basic Bitch' in glitter letters. He cocked a brow but said nothing. “You have to say something.” Toris finally insisted.

“There's not much to say. You're wearing three shades of beige.”

“It's not beige, it's burnt umber, desert sand, and ostrich egg.” Toris muttered quietly.

“It's beige, and you're sweating through your fugly shirt.” Felix dismissed with a glamorous hair flip.

Toris looked down at his faint pinstripe shirt and chewed his lip. There was crescents of sweaty nervousness under his arms after all. Maybe if he changed into something else... He was too late to act on such a thought. Felix tugged him out of his room, past the permanent chaos that was their shared apartment. Cleaning up after the energetic blonde was a task Toris rarely managed, despite his efforts.

It seemed Toris never had enough time. Between undocumented labour, chasing after Felix's disaster zone messes, and doing all the cooking, there was nothing left. That wasn't true either. Now the plain man had to worry about school. It was truly embarrassing that Toris had to go to high school when he was 26 years old. Felix had tricked him into it mostly.

The car was a veteran, a green ford Taurus purchased the moment Toris was registered as a fresh Canadian citizen. Of course, that had been eight years ago, when the sedan was already considered old. Now it was positively ancient by vehicle standards. It was slight rust, tape, and green painted metal held together by Toris's force of will.

The car, for all it's sputtering and complaining, delivered it's legal owner straight to the adult learning centre. Toris froze in his seat, looking at the building in fear. It was old brick and a few sparse flower bushes. A wooden sign read 'Burbingville Adult Education and Community Services'. The artsy sign was a poor attempt to disguise that this obviously used to be a small scale factory.

“Come on Tortor. Move your ass.” Felix cheered, giving the scared man a push. With a sigh, The brunet accepted his fate, and got out. “Don't forget your bag and packed gross food.” Felix teased.

Huffing a little, Toris scooped his plastic bag of school supplies out of the back seat. He wouldn't dare give a response, for it only encouraged his friend. Soon the car zipped off into the distance while blaring terrible pop music.

The inside of the community centre and school was much less horrible than expected. The post industrial apocalypse look ended at the old wooden doors, transferring to clean blue walls and newer furniture. Adults of all kinds were filing up the stairs to the second story. Exactly where Felix said to go. Toris followed the mob uncertainly.

After a few questions, it was confirmed this was the new adult high school class. The class room was exactly what one would expect, blank walls and rows of desks. There was a plethora of learning pamphlets beside a well worn chalk board.

The dark skinned teacher was possibly younger than Toris, moving about as she talked and introduced herself. The name was long and ridiculous. “... but we're all adults here, so you can call me Michelle. First we'll all introduce ourselves. We can sit at the desks for this.”

Much like children, the colourful cast of adults in the room grudgingly gave introductions. About half the room was nearly invisible workers like Toris. The rest were fringe characters of society. Bikers, slutty women, and the oddly dressed. Only one really stood out in Toris's mind.

She was a petite thing, a cool blonde dressed to the absolute limit in designer attire. Even subtle body movements were graceful and possibly calculated. Finally, the pale beauty spoke when it was her turn.  
“I am called Natalia.” Her voice was an octave or two lower than expected with a sexy Russian accent, but Toris had little time to contemplate this.

The first half of class was intensive lessons, leaving no room for distraction. The study period that followed was more peaceful as people paired off naturally into groups. A few remained alone. The stunning blonde woman was one of them. Toris was about to get out of his cramped desk and attempt a compliment, but a more rugged alpha male beat him to it.

Due to the quiet conversation Toris couldn't hear a thing. He watched sadly. He knew how these things went. A bigger stronger male would flex a little, say something sweet, and the girl fell like timber every time. Another dateless night for lonely Toris.

“Go away dog.” Natalia snapped, practically hissing like a dangerous predator. That voice certainty was odd wasn't it? The defeated male skulked back to his desk, looking confused as he was dejected. It seemed this questionable female was not so easily swayed. She just had a throat condition... maybe.

Still Toris needed a plan to talk to her. She was clearly quick witted and proud. Putting on his reading glasses, the brunet schemed internally as he studied basic English and math problems. Toris glanced over at the woman from above the rim of his glasses. She glared angrily at a page of math problems, writing nothing. Mathematics, the one thing Toris was stellar at. _Perfect_.

Waiting a few minutes, he steadied his nerves and stood. He approached slowly, more than enough time for her to turn dusky blue eyes to his movements. She said nothing, but she didn't need to. The beauty was on the defensive already, on the verge of a scowl.

“Hi. I noticed you were having a hard time on some math questions.”

Her response was sharp and immediate like a dagger stabbing Toris, but he wouldn't give up. “Why are you bothering me?”

“I... I thought I could try and help.” Toris offered shyly, wondering if he had screwed up already.

The possibly Russian woman held her tongue, her eyes scanning him for falsehoods. With the barely noticeable relaxing of shoulders, Natalia slowly replied “Yes. I do require assistance.” Bubbling inside with joy, Toris retrieved his sad plastic bag of belongings and sat next to her. The rejected male of before stared at him dangerously, but the Lithuanian couldn't care less.

He had already engaged step one of his typical dating process. Toris was not lazy, but he was not a bulky picturesque fellow. He didn't bulging arm muscles, or a nice car. He barely had cash. He employed a much more clever seduction tactic. It was one of subversive slow movements, like a gentle fog. He became a girl's support system while subtly ramping up flirting efforts. Granted, the shady tactic landed him in the friend zone often, but one or two girls had clued in before. So it was a method still worth pursuing.

This Natalia was simply too beautiful to let free without a hunt.


	2. Chapter 2

“Did you see how pretty she was when you were picking me up last night? She rolls her R's and even her _frown_ is cute. Natalia let me sit next to her again. I just love her perfume.” Toris sighed dreamily.

Felix rolled his eyes as he watched Toris wash a mountain of dishes. The normally quiet brunet had been babbling all week about how great school was, sitting next to Natalia. Talking to her, watching her. It was getting irritating, because Felix knew where it was all going again. Toris being shunted into the friend zone with a bottle of vodka on a Sunday.

“Are you actually going to ask her out, or just grow on her like a disease?” Felix asked flatly, constantly glancing down at his phone for texts from university friends. Technically he was supposed to be working his thesis right now.

“There's nothing wrong with taking the slow route.”

“Put a ring on it or move on, Tortor. You gotta ask this girl.” The blonde teased with a cheeky grin, green eyes alight with mischief.

“I couldn't say more. But I think she's a guy.” Toris finally admitted, looking flustered as he scrubbed a pot.

“What!? You have to tell more!” Felix demanded, completely putting his glittery phone down. This was a put-down-the-phone emergency of gossip.

“I couldn't. It would be rude.” Toris dismissed.

“I'll clean. But you have to tell me.” Felix bartered. That caught his conservative roommate's attention.

“How much?” Toris asked, looking over with curious verdant eyes.

“I'll pick up like a bag of garbage.”

“No.”

“I'll clean the entire freakin' living room. My roomie has a crush on a drag queen for eight days and I only found out now. How did I not know this sooner?” the polish man whined and nagged, trying to verbally pry open his long time friend.

“If you clean the living room... I suppose I could spare a few details.” Toris relented, blushing faintly.

It was all Felix needed to hear. He wasn't a filthy man under standard circumstances. He simply refused to work unless he was getting something out of it. With efficiency rarely witnessed, Felix destroyed all the clutter in the living room. He then tugged slowpoke Toris from the dishes, racing through cleaning those as well.

A shocked Toris was plopped on the couch, still wearing soapy rubber gloves. “You can clean?”

“I had to move and like, be responsible. I sweated. So give me _every_ detail.” Felix ordered, munching on a granola bar. The wrapper was thoughtlessly dropped on the floor he just cleaned.

“Well. She's beautiful, and her... everything is perfect... and...” Toris almost whispered.

“I know that part. It's all you've talked about for a week. Tell me about how she's a drag queen.” The sheer nerve of his roommate to not mention something so deliciously interesting.

“She's not... You can hardly tell. It's not big deal.” Toris desperately tried to change the subject, to no avail.

“I have to meet her and be a wingman.” 

“No you can't, it would ruin how things are going. Please, I'm fine.”

“You have to get pictures.”

“Well... I... um.” Toris stuttered. He only stuttered when he was lying or hiding something. Felix knew him well, the pair having been close friends college. It had been Felix that convinced Toris to leave Lithuania in the first place, after it was exposed how terrible his job was at a horse ranch was.

“No way! You already have pictures! I have to see!”

Toris looked ready to protest, but then gave up and handed his phone over. It was only two selfies, Toris with a typical looking Slavic woman. She was cool platinum hair and and even colder blue eyes. Despite being dressed and done up stylishly, Felix felt like the woman in the photo was going to eat his soul for breakfast. Great, Toris had attracted another psycho.

“Isn't she so pretty?” Toris crooned, taking his phone back.

“She's the prettiest serial killer I've ever seen.” Felix replied, sarcasm thick.

“Don't be like that. She's just shy, and intense.”

“Just like Janina, or Aldona?” Felix accused bluntly. Toris's former girlfriends had been hot headed blondes with destructive streaks. Breaking him free of their raging jealousy had been like fighting a bear.

“She's nothing like they were, and Aldona was a very sweet girl... usually.” Toris was still defending his crazy choices, even years later. It was so honourable it was almost pathetic.

“Sweet little Aldona threw _our_ full fish tank out a window because she thought you were cheating on her.” Felix reminded him, returning to half attention, glancing at the phone for texts.

“She was just upset and confused.”

Felix shook his head and started playing a racing game on his phone. He would give his misguided roommate a few months to work this infatuation out of his brain, then come to the rescue like usual. Toris had always been cursed with terrible taste in women, and apparently men in dresses now.


	3. Chapter 3

Natalia brushed her hair carefully. It was slow thought out movements like chess. She tried to make her life in this way of planning, of concentrated purpose. Knowing a system and sticking to it kept her focused and progressing forward. She needed such guidelines to survive the world.

A world of _men_ , terrible and dark. A place of traps, lies, and social time bombs. Once a figment of that populace, Natalia wanted nothing to do with the male species. She was not a drag queen, she was a drag czarina of the purest intention. She would crush any man that touched her.

Of course, a girl like herself had to work. A full time dancer and singer at her big brother's burlesque bar, the money was undeniable. Men seemed to take pleasure in watching her perform. They enjoyed being reminded they were nothing but worms, and Natalia didn't mind delivering that message.

Her older brother, a tall fit man currently in his working leathers, walked into the dressing room. He was the only man in her life she would allow, pure and friendly. A sweaty mess at the moment, she avoided touching him but smiled briefly in greeting. “I warmed up the crowd for you little dove.” Ivan cooed, dropping on the couch like a rock. He then started peeling off his BDSM gear gingerly. The stage lights could be terribly hot, she knew too well.

“Thank you big brother. Could you...?” She prompted, turning her back to him. He hummed and straightened out the laces on the back of her glittering red corset. With one last look in the mirror, she was ready. Perfect blonde locks, white leather, and red fabric patented to dazzle. Stepping out onto the stage through deep purple curtains for a door, the show began.

It was routine after four years of similar performances. Natalia dance around a little, sang some short song, shed a layer of glamorous clothing along the way. At the end, she was usually down to her thigh high boots, gloves, and a corset with matching bottoms. After taking a volunteer from the audience and cuffing him to a chair, she beat the guy to bruising with a riding crop. After reminding him how much of a pile of shit he was in the process, the guy nearly came in his pants. The performance ended with a loud applause.

Natalia's stage smile slipped off the second she vanished behind heavy purple curtains. Despite the pageantry of it all and the handfuls of money, the entire process was tiring. She wasn't into the BDSM elements of the acts like big brother Vanya. If he had the stamina and greater popularity, he would be out there every day. Training new submissive pets or maintaining his current flock, the thirty three year enjoyed every moment.

The youngest of the family, Natalia already knew the lifestyle was not for her. Still, it was hard to get anywhere else at the age of twenty two with no education to speak of. Thus, the second part of her evening began. Highschool homework, and plenty of it.

Natalia shuffled past the bar tiredly in her high heeled boots, but her journey was paused. Big sister Katya, or Ekaterina, was working taps tonight as many drunk men lounged in sturdy black bar stools. “Talya, I made peach cobbler. It's beside the soup.” She called out from behind the counter.

Several men openly stared at the middle child of the Braginsky family. Katya's chest was easily the biggest, bursting out of DD cups. Katya seemed immune to wandering eyes, wearing a comfortable black shirt with 'Eastern Fantasies' printed on it. It was the registered name of the business. Even Carlos the line cook stared on occasion whenever he left the kitchen.

“Okay.” Natalia dismissed, unlocking the door next to the bar. It was a secret, obscured by more of Ivan's favourite purple glitter curtains. Entering the space, she locked the door behind her climbed the stairs.

The second floor was a large apartment shared by Ivan and Natalia. Big sister had also lived in this place, before she moved out with a roommate. The decorations were shockingly normal, like any middle class apartment. The soundproofing was impressive, mostly blocking out the club music from an act downstairs.

After taking off her show gear and dumping it in the BDSM specific laundry bin, Natalia took a refreshing shower. Clean and dressed in a silky dress shirt, she sat at the kitchen table with her nemesis. There it was. Math homework.

Natalia had done as much homework in class as she could manage. Still, math plagued her. Rather annoyingly, the only person any good at it was Ivan or Toris. Big brother was very occupied with typing up a regular customer downstairs. That left the unremarkable brunet from class.

Toris, who only seemed to wear shades of dirt. He spoke softly, never flashy in his existence. He technically was lower than a worm in rank, yet... why was she thinking of him at all? He positively grew on her like diseased moss in only three months of schooling. Now, every other troubling math question her hand was reaching for the phone. Naturally, she always stopped herself.

Natalia didn't need the help of men, aside from Ivan. Toris _could_ help at this moment, but what was his game? She knew the second the idiot sat next to her three months ago, he was pursuing her. Still he didn't ask her once for a date. Did he simply give up before he started? Was he planning something much more long term? Were men even capable of planning long term relationship traps?

Feeling uncertain, Natalia stared out the window at early winter snow. It settled over the town of Burbingville like a white fluffy blanket. No doubt town hall would would use the shift in weather as an excuse to hang Christmas lights a month and a half early.

A soft touch on the shoulder jolted Natalia back to reality. “Your mind was running away again, dear Talya.” Katyusha teased gently, now in a cozy knitted sweater.

“Oh. I was working on homework.” Natalia replied evenly.

“Is that so?” big sister said knowingly, cocking her head.

Natalia looked her sister in confusion, then at the long abandoned math problem she had doodled on. The name 'Toris' was in fancy Cyrillic script with passable looking flowers around it. Blushing hotly, Natalia immediately crumbled up the paper into a ball. “You saw nothing!” she threatened sharply. But Katya was one not to be denied.

“Oooh, little kitten has found love!” Katya gushed, sweeping her sibling into a boob cushioned hug.

“Mmph!” Natalia complained loudly through muffling sweater, trying to escape. If only she didn't have the weight of a twig to gain better momentum.

Finally released, Natalie sunk in her chair and hid her incriminating face. “I'm not in love. I don't need friendship or love. I have big brother.”

“Fine then. Who is your not-friend Toris?” the older ash blonde sister asked, sitting across the table. Oh no, now she wanted a whole story.

“He's no one. Some guy that helps me with math at school.”

“Is he that polite young man that dropped off homework when you had to cover for Sherry?” Katya went at the subject like it was a legal interrogation. Unfortunately, she was connecting all the dots rapidly.

Natalia chose silence, glowering with eyes peeked over her arms.

“Oh I have to tell Vanya when he's done working.” Katya gushed. The nagging thoughts of before were already being verbally spun into a wedding of sorts as food was placed on the table. It was long cold peach cobbler and some spice cookies.

“Have you eaten yet? You never eat enough. And you need to take your boobs off so your skin can breathe. We don't want sweat rashes again.” the older sibling went on, very much the surrogate mother of the family.

Rolling her dusky blue eyes, Natalia sat up properly and pulled the treats closer. “I don't want to take them off. I'm not a gross man.”

“No. You're a perfect little princess who needs to prevent sweat rashes.” Katya insisted sweetly.

“Fine. I'm going.” The platinum blonde growled, knowing the nagging would never end. Stepping into her bedroom, the most hated part of the night arrived. Facing Nikolai. Nikolai was a sick little Belorussian boy with weak wrists and a bean pole figure. He was bad at sports and most manly hobbies. He was stormy anger filled eyes and an expression of permanent depression.

Slipping off her shape wear top, Natalia's faint feminine curves fell apart. Under that was fake fabric covered boobs in a comfy harness. It was hot to wear, yet part of her identity all the same. This was wriggled out of awkwardly, taking several minutes. Finally it flopped on the floor. Natalia glanced in that cursed mirror mounted on the wall.

There he was, almost totally naked. Nikolai looked disgusting and gross as usual, the women's hair and makeup not doing a thing for him. If only he had died in Minsk with the rest of Natalia's old identity. Unable to stand another second of this, she finally looked away from her own reflection. Pulling on the most girly night gown she owned, Natalia also wore cheap pearls and fabulous silver. It was an acceptable compromise until she could return to her preferred form.

When she returned to the kitchen table for pie, big sister was browsing her baby blue phone. “Sestra!” Natalia yelled in disapproval, snatching the device away.

“Oooh you're texting Toris! And you took a selfie with him! Was that smile emojis? You have made a friend!”

“I have no need or desire for friendship.” Natalia grumbled.

“Then you have no problems with me inviting him over. He could help you with your math you still haven't solved.” Damn Ekaterina and her traps. She was almost as tricky as the men were.

“I don't, because he means nothing to me.”

“Of course.”

“Yes.” Natalia insisted, determined to prove her wrong.

“Fine then.” Katya called her bluff, sending Toris a text on her own phone, then showed it. Emojis and everything, it was sickness inducing.

_Shit._


	4. Chapter 4

Toris was freshly emerged from a shower when destiny called. Well, technically destiny sent him a text. It was Ekaterina, inviting him over to rescue her little sister from math homework. The very busty relative of Toris's world ending crush had been quick to exchange numbers and small talk.

The shy brunet had taken it as his responsibility to ensure Ekaterina and Felix never met. They were both walking rumour mills and probably had everyone's number. Felix knew _everything_ about Toris, having heard every story from the Lithuanian's family. Especially Grandmother, and her tales of him throwing up on every ride of a certain summer festival.

Barely sparing time to pull on clean pants, Toris bolted into the living room. “Felix! Felix!” he called out. The blonde was sandwiched between two people on the couch. Toris recognized them vaguely as university friends. One was drunk off his rocker, as Felix distracted him with trash TV.

“What?” Felix asked nonchalantly, sitting on his affectionately drunk colleagues lap.

“She texted me! She wants me to go over! What do I do!?”

“Go over.” the drunk slurred as Felix petted him.

“The beer speaks the truth.” Felix agreed, looking a little buzzed himself.

“Get the girl! Get the girl!” all three mildly drunk men hooted in unison.

“I... I will! I will get the girl!” Toris agreed hesitantly, heading to his room to change. The second three people were not cheering him on, his bravery died. Opening the dresser drawer, twelve perfectly folded shirts of similar colour faced him. All he had to do was pick one good enough to wear in Natalia's presence.

That was where the problem started. Nothing here was good enough. It was all very tasteful and reserved, which was good and fine with normal people. Natalia was not normal. She was exceptional and smart, and devastatingly beautiful. She deserved better than 'good'.

Ten minutes passed, and Toris was anxiously staring at his open drawer of shirts. Felix knocked on the door. “Are you dead in there or jacking off?” Oh no, drunk Felix.

“How could you assume that?” Toris sputtered.

“It's been like... an hour and you haven't left to chase your dream girl.”

“I was about to -” Toris was interrupted sloppily. The blonde must be more drunk than he let on.

“... and then you're going to date her, and marry her, and have twenty fugly kids together. And you're gonna stop talking to me, and I'll be totally alone. Because that's what my friends _do_ , they hook up and leave. It happened in Warsaw, and its going to happen here. In this tiny shit hole Canadian town. Why is it even snowing in October? Is this hell?” Felix rambled, a heavy thump heard as he fully leaned on the door.

Having met sorrow stricken drunk Felix before, Toris was thoroughly prepared. Opening the door and catching his friend, the brunet patiently responded “It's November, and we'll always be friends. We still talked even in Warsaw, remember? Janina was mad I had my own phone.”

“Bitch cow.” Felix hissed, swaying on his own feet as he was supported.

Toris cringed but let the comment be. He didn't like ragging on his former girlfriends, even if certain mistakes had been made. “I'm going to Natalia's to help her with homework. Then I'm going to come back. Tomorrow when your sober, we can play gears of war together. We'll camp noobs and steal all their ammunition, okay?”

“'Kay.” Felix hiccuped as he was guided to Toris's bed. The blonde always seemed to end up here in some sort of state after drinking. It was why all the alcohol in the house was frequently hidden or outright disposed of as soon as possible.

In all this distraction, Toris found he had managed to dress and sling his school bag over a shoulder. “Cheese cake.” Felix demanded sleepily after being tucked into Toris's bed.

“What?” Toris asked.

“Gears of war with cheese cake and pickles, just like before.” he repeated, much more clear.

“Only the best cheese cake. For my best friend.” Toris promised with a small grin.

“Get laid already, fuck. You'll die a dry old man.” the polish man grunted, looking ready to pass out.

“Okay. See you later.” Toris bid goodbye, slipping away to start the long walk to Natalia's place.


	5. Chapter 5

Felix waited until Toris was completely gone before rolling over. He wasn't all that drunk to start, but the depression was certainly stronger than usual. Gathering the old blanket in his arms, he buried his face in the bundle and inhaled deeply. Memorizing the scent and wishing it would wash him away. But It wasn't the blanket Felix wanted.

He wanted Toris. Felix had always wanted Toris, ever since he met him at that god awful travelling fair in Warsaw. The persistent blonde tempted, begged and tricked Toris into being roommates with him. The slightly older man had been so cute and polite. Just the sweetest thing that made the most wonderful muffins for breakfast.

Toris was also heart breaking levels of straight. Felix had never had a chance. In its own way, this dreadful news was almost soothing. The only reason destiny had not lined up was because of technical difficulties. Felix could understand, and mostly accept that. Thus, the flirty blonde strived to be the best friend he could be. He could be such a good friend that Toris wouldn't need a girl. Just the two of them to the very end in some shady retirement home together, smoking weed and laughing at nurses.

Only this vision was incorrect. Toris wasn't troubled at all to discover Natalia was a guy under all the trappings of makeup and fabric. The most bottom of bottoms, he even quietly opened up about being curious on who would lead in a bedroom situation. The subject had been breached accidentally by Felix's big mouth, all spouted because of a joke.

Ha ha, funny best friend Felix. Just his best friend for the past seven years is all. The one pretty blonde in the whole universe that didn't get the guy. So, Toris was gay, or at least bisexual. Yet Felix had been friend zoned right from the start, so hard it was like punch in the stomach.

The news was too much to bear. These three months had felt like living on a razor's edge. Holding up his old facade of joy was exhausting.

“I don't deserve this!” Felix yelled to open air. “I'm fabulous and I don't deserve being friend zoned to shit!” With a wobbly heave, he rolled off the bed. He was going to get _so drunk_ and see so many strippers he didn't know his own name. That would show Toris!

After completely failing to remember any cool bars in the area, Felix had to look one up. He felt as young and hip as a middle aged father. A man had to scrape by somehow. Calling an uber because he was too lazy to move, Felix sat in the apartment building lobby. Munching a bag of Toris's favourite chocolate 'hidden' in the freezer, He waited the ride show up.

It was a plain car, nothing memorable. Felix climbed in the back seat. “Take me to Lucky's Play Palace.”

“Oh dude, I can't. That place shut down.” The possible stoner driver replied. This car absolutely reeked of pot. You really couldn't expect much more from uber drivers some days.

“So there's no strip joints in the entire town.” Felix deadpanned.

“There's Rick's Roadhouse, and Eastern Fantasy.” the stranger offered, apparently experienced in such things.

“Which one is less gross?”

“Eastern. They have chick with dicks, if that's what does it for you.”

Cross dressers, probably the one thing Felix hadn't gone down with. Tonight was going to be full of first time experiences it seemed. “Eastern, then. Got any pot left?”

“Two blunts.”

“How much?” Felix asked, not in any mood for sobriety.

“Ten bucks.”

Without hesitation, Felix fished money out of his wallet. It was technically his university money, but that hardly mattered. He was failing his engineering course so bad it should be a sport. After working ten years like a slave at a window factory in Warsaw, it was the biggest waste of his life and savings. No matter how hard the blonde tried, he was never smart enough. A dumb blonde like the rest. A dumb blonde that was going to get absolutely wrecked tonight.

With a silent exchange of goods, the drive was quiet. Stupid Toris walking everywhere, like the cheap lovable muffin he was. A bran muffin, that had zero interest in Felix's frosting.

Eastern Fantasy was comically cheesier than Felix had expected. The entrance was colourful with suggestive neon signs. The most direct message was the lit up name of the place. It was shaped like a woman with Russian onion domes for breasts. It was actually pretty funny.

Walking inside was a seductive attack of colour to his eyes. Rich reds, blues, and purples were everywhere, while silver sparkles and mood lighting were placed at even points. It wasn't just the decorations that were colourful. Regular women, nice looking drag queens, and men roamed the local clientele in anything from full dominatrix gear to nipple tassels.

Not really sure how to proceed, Felix froze to the spot. A charismatic man approached in silky clothes, smile as light a cloud. His blouse might as well not have buttons for how open it was. “Welcome to Eastern Fantasy, how can I help you mon cher?” the admittedly fit man purred in a french accent. Not an usual accent to encounter a few hours from Quebec, but pleasant all the same.

“I don't know.” Felix replied honestly.

“Katya will take care of you. Follow me.” the man assured. It turned out Katya was a bartender, and nothing else. She was actually the only one dressed decently, in a plain black work shirt. The shirt certainly seemed to struggle with her impressive breasts though.

Sitting at the stylish black and silver bar, Felix took a stool. The woman with the name tag 'Katya' greeted him while mixing mojitos. “What would you like tonight? We have a house special on signature drinks.” She offered with a cheerful smile.

“Sure, whatever. One signature drink.” Felix replied dismally.

The ashen blonde server frowned, but never stopped working. “Excellent choice sir.” After a few minutes, a colourful drink was slid in front of him. It was blue on the bottom, but red on top. The mystery alcohols lingered in the centre, making a dark purple band. It was very beautiful to look at. 

“One eastern fantasy.” the skilled bartender announced, her R's rolled almost lyrically like all Russians.... or Ukrainians, or Belorussians. Whatever. There was a lot of Slavic countries, and it was damn near impossible to remember them all.

The drink was sweetly delicious, matching it's initial appearance. Of course, like the vodka it partially consisted of, the beverage hit Toris like truck. He didn't even notice until his third serving, and by then it was far too late.

Feeling great yet not, the polish man burst into giggles at a club song playing. With the bar quieting down a bit, most men had moved to enjoy exotic looking burlesque shows or leave. Still the bartender remained professional and quiet as she cleaned her stations.

“You know what's fuckin' sad?” Felix rambled to the stranger, drunk words falling out of him.

“What?” Katya replied, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears.

“Me. Wanting to fuck a guy for seven years when I'm stuck in the friend zone. I'm so... fuck...” Felix confessed, giggles quickly turning to sobs. “I'm such an idiot.”

“Nyet, you are not an idiot. I know just what will make you feel better.” Katya promised, wearing a mother's smile.

“Another fantasy.” Felix hiccuped in his moment of grieving.

“Of a kind. Please wait a moment.” the server vanished into a the kitchen a moment, then returned. Still, there was no new drink served. Was he being cut off? Before the blonde had an opportunity to bitch and complain, somebody was walking over.

It was one of the drag queens, a less extreme variant. This was normally not Felix's preference, but he was also ludicrously inebriated. This one was slightly taller than Felix, in a pink and white nurse costume with white lace. Everything about this person was soft and friendly, like a soft chew candy.

Pushing red framed glasses up his pert little nose, the queen spoke in non confrontational tones. “You called, Miss?”

“Da. This one in room three, or a booth if Vanya stole it again. Such a busy boy.” the obvious boss of this place ordered gently.

“Of course. If you'd like to come with me?” the queen asked shyly, fluttering eyelashes at Felix demurely. Between the sheer innocence of this, the freckles, and the glasses, Felix was a done man. This person was almost unbearably sweet and cute.

Helpless, Felix followed the 'nurse' to a private room. Was he really going to do this? Was he really going to pay for strip tease and probable sex with a stranger? Before he could regain common sense and flee, he was gently pushed onto a plush lounger in a small room. It was natural looking greens and baby blue, more like a yoga studio than a strip joint.

As the door clicked shut, the queen looked to him. “Do you know what they call me?”

“Cute.” a very drunk Felix answered honestly.

The queen chuckled at this, sauntering over and sitting next to him. “They call me the nurse. I really care about people. After care, emotional care, even just to listen. And I want to listen to you.”

Such sincere words paired with an angelic expression. It was more fatal than a gun shot. Entranced by those enigmatic lavender eyes, Felix's inhibitions got the better of him. He told the nurse everything, through tears and ragged breaths. His story of hard work and suffering, and lost love. His long suppressed grief seemed to spill everywhere.

Through all of this, the nurse simply listened, cuddling close. Small shoulder rubs slowly changed to pets and squeezes, making Felix content from all the attention. When the last of his tension released, he let out a happy sigh.

“You've been such a good boy Felix, you know that?” the queen cooed, thoroughly around him and between his legs.

“I _am_. I am a good boy.” Felix slurred, nuzzling the beautiful man.

“With your permission, I'd love to make you feel amazing.” the nurse offered, caressing inner thighs with soft hands.

Felix swallowed at the gravity of the suggestion, then whispered “Please. Take me.”


	6. Chapter 6

The clean white snow crunched as Toris plodded along. He was a little cold, but nothing unbearable. The sun was starting to set, making a town of white and grey shift to orange and black. His shoulder ached, but still, duty called.

Toris knew better. He had to be at work in six hours, shovelling snow for the town. His body was exhausted, and dealing with Felix's not so subtle moods lately was becoming a draining affair. But Natalia needed him. Toris needed her too, in the worst way. His love sickness was official, having infected every part of his brain.

If Natalia called for him, he would come on hands and knees in worship. The thought was both sexually exciting and disturbing. Toris really needed to get laid, or possibly seek help. Normally he was so much more controlled than this.

Never stopping despite the lure of warm coffee shops, Toris rubbed thin mittens together and kept moving. On cold numbed feet, he eventually arrived. In all honesty, Eastern Fantasy was a garish and ugly place to his modest perception. Almost nothing about it piqued Toris's interest, save for the beautiful people inside.

All the other times he came to drop off Natalia's homework, The sensible young man simply kept his eyes to the floor and away from view of lewd acts. Natalia technically worked here, but Toris knew her well enough to guess her act was likely a clean one. She was fastidious in class, sometimes wearing gloves if she had to share material with other people. Whatever service she provided in this place, Toris doubted she ever touched skin.

Thankfully, Natalia's tall curvaceous sister was at the bar. Ekaterina was certainly sweet enough, and almost as generous as her bra size. “Toris! You came in person. I thought you would help her over the phone.”

Toris froze on the spot, realizing his folly. It technically had not been a formal invitation. He had been so excited, he simply assumed and rushed over... to make an ass of himself. Again. “I'll just go then.”

“Nyet! You are cold and hungry! Big sister Katya will treat you. I make the best chicken wings in Burbingville.” Katya insisted loudly, dragging the shivering man upstairs. Past the ugly bar and up fresh painted stairs, Toris's aching shoulder scraped a wall. He yelped at the contact, gingerly curling inward after.

Natalia must have heard the commotion, opening the door at the top landing. “Why are you dragging my study partner around like a doll?” she demanded. Even in a pink 'Queen Bee' night gown with most of her make-up off, she was beautiful.

At being referred to as a study partner, Toris swooned slightly. “Hi Natalia.” he greeted sweetly.

“He is hurt and shivering! What did you do?” Natalia accused sharply.

Katya furrowed her brows. “I am going to take care of him, while he helps you with homework.”

“ _You_ will run the bar, and stop interfering with my personal life.” Natalia retorted, taking over the dragging of Toris. Her hands were so soft and warm.

The sisters parted harmlessly with a very Russian exchange of bickering. Katya thankfully returned to her job downstairs. Led inside of his own power, Toris loved how normal and bright the two bedroom apartment was.

“I need to get cleaned up. I didn't know you were coming over.” Natalia said, about to retreat as Toris sat.

“No, it's okay.” the flustered male insisted, never wishing to cause anyone inconvenience.

“I am hardly presentable.”

“Really, You look wonderful.” Toris admitted far too easily.

Natalia paused, then eyed her guest out of suspicion. Not detecting whatever she was seeking, the slim beauty dropped her scrutiny. “Okay. I left the problems I couldn't solve on the table.”

Toris stood with a tired heave, and pulled reading glasses out of his coat. Shedding the now wet layer, he dropped it over a chair. Looming over the table, it was all clear now. Every major math problem was in a stack on the table. All twenty pages of them from the past two weeks was neatly piled and weighed down with a rock.

Natalia looked at his incredulous expression, uncertainty betraying her frowning face. Befriending the woman so far was nearly impossible, like petting a scared cat. The slightest misstep could ruin three months of moving forward at excruciatingly slow speed. “This shouldn't be a problem.” Toris assured, even if it was a small lie. This would take hours.

Switching to using his left hand for today, Toris patted the open chair next to him. “I'll get us started, then we'll see how you do.”

Despite Toris doing well in all his courses, school felt like an eternal stand off. It used hours of his days, often after his harsh construction job. It took what little brain power he had left, making the man a sleepy husk by the end of class.

Now was such a moment. As Natalia finally began to understand calculating the volume of a sphere, Toris took a long blink. Setting reading glasses on the table, he asked “Where is your bathroom again?”

“The only door without a picture on it.” Natalia informed, looking up as Toris stood. It was an odd sight to see her without her small to average chest beneath the gown. It didn't call off the entire pursuit, but it was enough to make Toris remind himself what he was after.

It was true he was more in love with her feminine mystique than the flat chested variant before him. This truer form of her was still Natalia, her wit deadly sharp. No doubt she employed an array of tricks to become the jaw dropping vixen of the classroom. It certainly was odd how there no pictures of Natalia in her preferred form on the way to the bathroom.

The bathroom was plain white and spotlessly clean. A small mountain hair care products was on the counter in the corner with. A warning note of 'Do not touch. These are mine. ~ Nat' was put in front. Toris chuckled and splashed cold water on his face with his left hand. It failed to wake up his scattered mental systems. What time was it anyway?

Wandering back to the living area, the soft pink couch called to him like siren song. Toris answered it's beckoning, daring to sit. It was incredibly comfortable, sucking away his will to move. He could lay down for a minute. Just a minute, or maybe a _few_ minutes...

Vaguely electric sound slowly tugged him from sleep. “Sophia, you were cheating on me the entire time!?” “Victor, you don't understand!” “I understand plenty! Are the children even mine?” Confused, Toris opened a sleep encrusted eye. The TV on the wall was playing a soap opera with cheesy costumes and set lighting. It explained a lot.

This didn't explain the muscled man clad in hickeys and fuzzy purple pyjamas, sitting in an arm chair. He watched the show with rapt attention while shovelling cereal into his mouth. Natalia was playing on her phone, seated next to Toris. The nearly make-up free flat chested person of before was gone. Fashionista and verbal warrior Natalia was back, all eyeliner on deck.

“Brother, I don't know why you watch this crap.” she muttered darkly, engrossed in a game of angry birds on her phone.

“Shut up. I'm going to find out who the real father of Sophia's twins are!” The strange man hissed, never looking from the screen. Squinting at bright sunlight from the kitchen area, sleepy Toris started making connections. Sunlight... but it had been night when he arrived. “What time is it...” he groaned, regretting moving at all. It had been a mistake to sleep on his sore right shoulder.

“10 in the morning. Your phone rang until it died.” Natalia answered distantly, never looking once from her screen.

No! He was late for work! “Where is – Ah!” The brunet yelped in the process of getting up, gingerly clutching his shoulder after.

“I can't believe it! It was Vladimir? He was supposed to be dead last season!” the ash blonde thug of a man cursed, frowning as end credits began rolling by. He then scrutinized Toris with amethyst purple eyes. It was like Toris's soul was being scanned by a machine. He shuddered.

“What's wrong with this one?” the bulky blonde man asked coolly, eating more of his lucky charms cereal after.

“This one is Toris. He's my study associate from school.” Natalia replied.

“Oh, your little friend.”

“I am strong. I do not need friends!” Natalia growled, putting her phone down and going on the offensive.

“Da, da, little flower. You are made of steel. Now go eat something for breakfast.”

Miffed at being deferred to, Natalia bristled. “I'm not hungry right now. Besides, I _gained_ weight.”

“You're not fat at all.” Toris offered, shooting her a shy lovesick look. He couldn't help it, being this close to her.

“Idiot friend tells the truth.” the obvious older brother agreed, finishing off his sugary cereal.

Natalia huffed, blushed a little, then simply dropped the subject in defeat. “What's wrong with your shoulder?” She asked Toris, as abrupt as an oncoming train.

“Nothing really. Just a small injury.” Toris explained softly.

“Vanya, he is lying.” Natalia spoke to her sibling, almost like a command. The 'Vanya', likely an Ivan or an Ivanos, obeyed the order, set down his empty bowl, then stood. Gripping Toris's aching shoulder like a python, he twisted and rolled the limb various directions. Toris's breathing stuttered as he was nearly pushed to tears.

Finally releasing the limb, the man sat again. “He pulled or tore something. I didn't feel any loose bone, and it was definitely in the socket.”

“I'll get an ice pack for the swelling.” Natalia volunteered, almost sounding cheerful about the situation. She returned, placing a bag of frozen peas on his shoulder. It fell off. After three more failures, she grow angry and simply shoved it into Toris's sleeve, poking it onto his shoulder. Boy was it cold, even if his inflamed muscles felt slight better.

“Thank you Natalia.” Toris said sincerely.

The possible Ivan cocked a brow, but said nothing. He resumed watching TV.

“Are you hungry Toris? I could make you something.” Natalia offered, her flat tone actually slightly affectionate. It made Toris's love starved heart patter excitedly.

“Yes, please.”

Natalia almost skipped to the kitchen area, her modest peach coloured shirt swishing slightly. When she disappeared behind a think separator curtain, the older brother looked at Toris like he was a science experiment. The sister returned after a few minutes, barking something sharp and angry in what was likely Russian.

The brother rolled his eyes at her. “Fine fine! I will go! Have fun with your special study friend.”

“I do not have or need friends!” Natalia denied violently, immediately resuming looking neutrally serene.

The older brother bore an expression of exasperation as he left for a bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

“I'm sorry.” Toris muttered.

“Don't be.” Natalia replied, placing a hot bowl of oatmeal on the table. “Thank you, for helping me so much Toris.”

“I don't mind.” he replied, hopelessly in love. He could drown in it, in the moment of being so close and trusted.

A hand of hers gave Toris's good arm a squeeze, despite any lack of notable expression. “I mean it. You're saving my grade. You're a good person.”

The brunet could only blush as words failed. _Touch me more_ , he wanted to beg. He didn't though. He simply savoured the brief exchange of affections. Finally, progress towards something real.


	7. Chapter 7

Natalia played nice the whole morning, even stooping the the lows of serving a mere man food. Still, beneath her shallow smiles and soft touches, there was a cold weight. It was an unmovable dread.

Yes, she could definitely see the attraction now. That distinctive desperation all true males seemed to wear when they lusted for something long enough. It was disgusting to see, knowing all they ever wanted was sex. She had been so trusting of Toris, so utterly _stupid_. He was just like the rest, and she would destroy him for it.

The second she sent him home with a bag of Ekaterina's cookies, the false smiles fell away. It was exhausting pretending to be happy. Ivan emerged from his room, dressed to the hilt in his best black leather gear. He was probably leaving for a job. Given it was a Sunday, it would be one of his faithful pet regulars. Otherwise dignified people that bent and curled to Vanya's touch like needy dogs. It was a mystery why they endured such treatment to Natalia.

“Natalia” he prompted seriously, sitting next to her.

“Yes big brother?”

“We have to talk.”

Natalia narrowed her dusky blue gaze to a suspicious squint. “Talk about what?”

“How long have you been using this boy for homework?”

“I'm... I'm not... I'm only using him a little.” Natalia admitted grudgingly, never one for lying to her dearest best brother in the whole world.

“How long?” he repeated coldly.

“... Two months.” she finally revealed, not terribly proud of herself.

“Men are not toys!”

“Men are beasts!” Natalia growled, after adding a sweet assurance of “Except you Vanya. You're perfect.”

“You will end this charade or date him properly. I don't care which one.” Ivan ordered, his expression stony and unforgiving.

“You can't tell me what to do anymore!” She argued, mostly out of reflex.

“That boy is in love with you. Are you going to break another heart? He'll be just like Dimtri, or Hugo, or Eduard. You broke their hearts too. You broke their hearts to _dust_.” Ivan accused, unceasingly like the tide. Eroding Natalia's stubborn stone of a mind, in his own way.

When Natalia said nothing in response, Ivan stood. “Resolve this within two weeks, or I will.” With that very real threat uttered, he put on his long fur coat and left. Natalia dropped her proud visage and texted anxiously. She had to get this arrangement cleaned up before Vanya began interfering. He was a wrecking ball of a human being, ruthless when it came to personal problems.

God willing Natalia would still have a study partner by the end of this.


	8. Chapter 8

Toris wanted to be happy, he really did. His friends kept stomping on his feelings, then burying them with logic. Felix sat on one side, while Matthew flanked the other. Felix's new boyfriend had rather suddenly appeared a week ago, a sweet pleasant creature with glasses and freckles. Toris didn't mind the friendly personality integrating into their formerly secluded lives. Matthew was an excellent influence and very hygienic.

“You've eaten lunch with this girl for four months, doing her homework. And she wants to go out on a date now. For no reason. Think about it Tortor. Just _think_ about it.” Felix drilled into Toris. Matthew meanwhile, looked concerned. Still he never offered his opinion on Natalia.

“Is your shoulder doing better?” Matthew asked softly, inspecting the right arm that was in a fabric sling.

“The hospital check up wasn't the best. The doctor told me to avoid hard labour while the muscle heals... and thanks for making me a sling.” Toris replied politely.

“No problem, eh.”

“Mattie is super good at medical stuff. He's going to be the hottest doctor in town.” Felix bragged, blowing a kiss in his boyfriends general direction.

As pale as Natalia, Matthew's blush was undeniable. “I have to graduate med school first.”

“That's it. It's official. You're the cutest thing ever. Almost as cute as me.” Felix stood, to yet again dowse his new found love in affections.

“Felix, you don't have to do anthing. I mean, we're trying to help your friend.” Matthew objected weakly. Like Toris, he didn't seem to be one for such attentions.

“Too late.” Felix put a cupcake with a smiley face on it in front of his flustered boyfriend. The determined polish man then looked to Toris. “... and you are going to say no if she uses you again. Otherwise I will put all your embarrassing pictures on the internet.”

“You wouldn't dare.” Toris whispered.

“Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat... Facebook. Yes, even Facebook. Do you want your grandmother in Vilnius seeing you drunk in a hoop skirt?” Felix threatened. At over 400 Facebook friends and roughly 3,000 twitter followers, the charismatic blond was a force to reckoned with.

“Okay! Okay! I'll be mean!”

Matthew touched his arm gently. “It's not being mean, it's practising self care. You're important too.”

At this, Toris's heart strings were played like a harp. “You're really good.” He admitted.

“He's taken Tortor.” Felix declared, hugging the somewhat plush Canadian from behind and kissing the top of his head. Matthew blushed, pulling wavy wheaten locks over his humble expression. They really did make a good couple, which warmed Toris's heart. It was nice to finally see Felix happy.

Toris glanced at his phone, sitting on a stack of completed homework. Natalia wanted to meet him at a local cafe. It was a cute little place with art on the walls and recessed lighting. It was time to go. Was this a date? Was this a rejection? Was this another request for help?

With the car finally dead after eight years of faithful service, Toris had a short walk to get there. The holiday hangover left from New Years still hung over the sleepy town. The walk was pain free and rather pleasant, everything glittering with fresh snow. Now at a simple cashier job, Toris was much less cruel to his body, even if the pay was considerably worse.

The cafe was warm browns and creams, inviting and warm from a distance. Truthfully, he didn't even know this place existed until Natalia suggested the location via text. Stepping inside, Toris was greeted by the scent of baked goods and coffee. It was easy to spot Natalia in a corner table. She was sensible in a black dress with winter leggings. So beautiful.

“Natalia, I'm so glad to see you.” he greeted, sitting across from her.

Her expression wasn't as joyous as usual. “Toris, I have something important to tell you.”

“What is it?

“All this time, that we've been helping each other... I've been taking you for granted.” Natalia explained, turning soulful blue eyes to him. They seized his soul, held it in place.

“W-w-what?”

Natalia grabbed his hand, seemingly determined. “Toris, I have feelings for you.”

Blushing hotly, Toris stammered “I like you too.”

“Toris, I want to be with you.” She declared, dead serious. Toris's heart raced.


	9. Chapter 9

Felix waited for the fallout of whatever crazy plans that witch had set upon Toris. The hapless brunet would come back, sobbing and heart broken. Felix, understanding he had no chance with his long time crush, would do what Matthew suggested. Be the better man. Step up his game, and bake a batch of the most deliciously platonic cookies to ever exist. After, everything would revert to the way it was, but slightly healthier.

Only Felix was very very wrong. When Toris came in, He was happy and smiling like he had won the lottery. The news he bore was even worse. That life sucking bitch was dating him now. It was just a cover to get free marks in class. It couldn't be anything else, given her absolute lack of empathy. This was just a charade, a _joke_. It wouldn't last longer than one school term.

The school exams for the first year approached, and still Toris's doomed relationship continued. It was four months later, and Felix was supposed to meet his friend for good news at the mall. The mall, a temple of glittering consumerism. A place of wonder and joy. Now that the first round of major exams was coming to pass, Natalia was certain to drop her evil plans.

Toris was there before him, smiling wide at a shiny booth table. “Tortor! You look good today!” Felix greeted, plopping next to him on cheap blue pleather cushions.

“Thanks! I feel great! I have great news.” Toris replied back.

Felix hesitated, knowing what it might be. With a deep breath, he sagged and asked, “Is it about Natalia?”

“Well, the first part isn't. I passed on my first few credits! If I'm lucky, I'll be done in a year.” The brunet explained, brandishing his report card for his companion to see. Felix snatched it out of the air and read it.

“Wow! I'm super proud of you Toris.” Felix praised honestly, handing it back.

“Thanks... That means so much to me. But... I know you don't like Natalia. So just hold it in a second because I have even better news, and I need you to be patient.” Toris warned, pulling a small ring box out of his pocket.

Felix's brain went illogically crazy at the sight. Was Toris proposing to him? Was this really happening? Felix's heart soared as thoughts spiralled out of control instantly. Images of them picking out bed sheets together with clasps hands, two happy shoppers in love. Fabricated internal movies of them buying a house together, adopting children. Everything, the whole package. “Tortor...”

“Felix are you okay? You stopped breathing a second.” Toris cut in, concerned green eyes scattering over his features.

“I'm... I'm fine. What's the news?” Felix breathed excitedly, shoving his clingy hands under the table. This was it. It had to be it. Toris had to realize, to see by now, how devoted Felix had been as a very best friend. He must notice how abnormal the behaviour was in comparison to everyone else the polish man interacted with.

“When Natalia graduates school, I want to surprise her with... this.” Toris nearly whispered, popping the velvet box open. It was a beautiful wedding ring, a single ruby at it's centre. It was perfect, and beautiful. The sight of it stabbed Felix in the heart like a knife.

The fantasies of seconds before shattered, instantly and irreparably. Cold pain blossomed in Felix's chest like a gaping wound. He couldn't hold back, not in this moment of excruciating existence.

“YOU IDIOT! YOU GODDAMN FOOL!” Felix screamed in anger, starting to shake a little. “She's using you! She's always used you! She doesn't love you! The only person she loves is her ass hole brother, who is a complete dick to everyone!”

“Felix! Stop talking about her like that! She's a sweet considerate person!” Toris yelled right back.

“SHE IS A BITCH!” Felix accused angrily, now standing. Toris looked taken back in shock, as Felix began weeping. “You don't even need her, when someone already loves you!”

“Who then? Who!? Because there isn't lines of people asking for me Felix. I'm... I'm nothing without Natalia.” Toris started out strong, but died to a sad whimper.

“Who's been there since Warsaw? Who's always by your side?” Felix demanded angrily, grabbing his friend by the shoulders, so close now, enough to see Toris's chest heaving with emotion.

“I don't know.” Toris answered weakly.

Theres was no more time left on the clock, no more chances. In his unsteady state, Felix threw all his cards on the table. “It's me you fucking idiot. It's me. It's always been me. I... love you.” With this jagged confession, he leaned forward and kissed Toris for everything he was worth.

Chapped lips, chased by vanilla ice cream from earlier. So sweet and perfect it made Felix's heart skip a beat. But it ended forcibly with a powerful hit to the chest. Oxygen knocked out of him, Felix wheezed and stumbled back. Their escalating argument was starting to spook other denizens of the food court, while attracting security guards.

Fists still bared, a wide eyed Toris sputtered “What the hell was that?”

“I love you, Tortor...” Felix stammered, still bleeding feelings through thick tears.

“What the fuck is this? You constantly attack Natalia's great personality, stealing my time with her. Now this? Messing with my head? My love for her is not a lie or a game!” Toris thundered, emerald eyes thundering with rare anger and pride. It was terrifying, like being judged by God.

“This isn't a trick... I really love you...” The blond appealed desperately, touching Toris's shoulder. The grip was dodged swiftly, followed a swift punch to Felix's face. It stung as blood gushed everywhere from his smashed nose.

“You will never talk about her or touch her, or see her, ever again. I'm done with your disrespect! DONE!” Toris commanded, standing over a recoiling Felix.

Security guards intervened, wedging between the pair. “Come with me sir.” one ordered the bristling Lithuanian. “Gladly!” Toris replied, stomping off with the majority of the mall goons. One stayed behind, handing Felix a paper towel for his face.

Felix had returned to their... no, _Toris's_ apartment, in under an hour. Hiccuping tears nasally through his bruised and bandaged face, the distressed blonde had a bag of clothes and his most valuable possessions packed in twenty minutes. After nearly nine years, the dream was over. With one last look back at his former home, Felix climbed into a cab outside.

“Where to?” the older cab driver asked.

“Anywhere that's not here... A bar I guess.” Felix replied shakily.

With that, Felix was driven into the fading summer sunset.


	10. Chapter 10

Perfect blonde hair in mid flip, faded now in the picture. Felix's trademark smirk. The small photo had been handled too much, edges ragged. It was slightly sun faded where Toris used to display it on the window sill. Of course, that was before it made Natalia angry. Now the picture was a secret tucked away in a creased wallet, ruined with fold marks.

It had been almost four years since he had seen that charismatic face. Toris had graduated high school since then, and even picked up a license as a building inspector. True to his word, he married Natalia a month after she finally graduated school, one year later than him.

The wedding had been beautiful, and Toris's new wife enchanting. Natalia found a legitimate job as a corporate secretary, raking in even more cash than he did. It was all so perfect, a dream life. There lay the problem with dreams. You eventually had to wake up and realize the truth.

Only four months after they exchanged vows at the alter, things began to change. Natalia's sunny smiles and loving attentions waned quicker into the days. It was as if she was emotionally exhausted. Toris credited it to her extensive hormone therapy, one of many stages to becoming a “real” woman. It was her most burning desire after all.

They bought a place together. A cute little box in the suburbs with trimmed border gardens. It made her happy for a time. They were once again blissful, shadows of doubt rarer than usual. The peace barely lasted a year. Natalia's cold frowns and suppressed rage returned like a terrible storm upon the seas.

It was Natalia that wanted a child first, rather surprisingly. Truthfully Toris had been easy to convince of the notion. Adoption processes in Canada were terrible and expensive. The ludicrously frugal couple simply outsourced the work, abusing Natalia's former Belorussian and Russian citizenship's to their maximum.

They ended up adopting a three year child from Latvia, a young boy named Ravis. In this small being, they invested the ragged remnants of their love. Raivis would be their salvation, a chance at making the world a better place than before. Surely if Raivis could thrive, they had done something properly. The new serenity only lasted just over a year.

It was all another dream within dreams, now a living nightmare. Taking shallow painful breaths, Toris hid in the dark of his own child's room. Curled around the shaking boy protectively, they could both hear Natalia raging in the muffled distance like a fiery dragon.

“Daddy?” Raivis asked softly in the dark, hiding under his bed cover.

“Yes, little muffin?” Toris cooed, trying to ooze comfort.

“Did Mama hurt you?” the child asked, so quiet he was barely heard. 

“No. I can't be hurt. I'm a super hero remember?” Toris lied sweetly. He was quite injured, every breath painful. Natalia had seen him chatting with a female coworker earlier, accusing him of cheating during dinner. In the chaos of Ravis fleeing the dinner table, Toris had acted as a living shield. Having a glass of water hurled with the ferocity of a baseball at his ribs was definitely having side effects.

“Daddy, what kind powers you have as a super hero?” the child asked, when Natalia's raging finally seemed to calm.

“I'm super strong, and I can deflect bullets to protect you, and I love you a whole bunch. More than anyone else.” Toris promised sincerely towards the end. Stomping neared the child's unlit room. Both father and son silenced fearfully, not even daring to breathe.

“Toris! I don't know where you're hiding! But I'm going to Vanya's place to make sure he's taking his medications! Clean up before I get back!” The living force of reckoning bellowed, the clack of her designer heels memorably terrifying. A door slammed, followed by gravelly sounds of a car ripping out of the driveway.

“You know what else I can do as a super hero?” Toris finally spoke at standard volume.

“What?” Raivis asked, his curious blue eyes bright once the bedside lamp was turned on.

“Go on fun adventures. Would you like to go on an adventure?” The father prompted with a smile. Honestly, the child looked ready to climb out a window and run for his life. Toris couldn't find it in himself to disagree.

“Yes, please.” The child nearly begged, climbing out of bed to cling to his father's leg.

“Go! Pack some toys! It's going to be a long adventure!” He encouraged his son with a friendly face, however acted it was. The second the boy's back was turned in thorough distraction, Toris frantically left to pack. If they were lucky, they had thirty minutes to flee.

Under normal situations this was not an issue. This was not the first violent fight and it wouldn't be the last. Normal these events occurred when Raivis was at school or at his grandmother's house. Toris would simply grab a prepacked duffle bag and escape out a window somewhere. Waiting a few hours for his dearest to vent and calm down, He would return with Raivis from school. It was always pristine transitions like nothing bad had happened.

No matter the reality, the delicate child had never witnessed his mother's temper to this degree before. Clearly, it petrified the youth. Somehow, Toris's extreme existence had been put in sharp clarity. Why had he dealt with this so long? His own legal son being put in harms way had crystallized in the protective parent's mind, a constant looping film. _I brought this upon him_ , torturous internal dialogue insisted.

There was only one instinctive drive now, erasing all need to please his unhappy wife. He had to keep Raivis safe at any cost. “Go go go!” He ushered his son, already having tossed three garbage bags of stuff in the back of the idling car.

“I dunno know what to bring!” the child whined, only having picked three things so far.

“Get in the car, I'll pick the very best for you, okay?” Toris ordered, his false joy strained and desperate.

Raivis was a very smart boy, suddenly understanding the urgency. “Okay. I need to change.”

“No no, this is... is... a pyjamas sleep over adventure, just for us! Just get in the car okay, in the front seat, like a big boy. Okay?” Toris pleaded openly now, glancing at his watch. They had already taken fifteen minutes so far.

Toris just dragged the whole toy box in blind panic. Dumping the contents into the trunk, he hastily tossed the heavy wooden crate aside. Slamming the trunk shut, Toris got into the driver's seat and peeled out of the driveway.

He drove for twenty minutes in the dark of chilly Canadian autumn, reaching the glowing outskirts of Burbingville. Pulling over in a Tim Hortons parking lot, he finally parked and dared to take deep breaths. Raivis screamed and gestured to the in-car computer screen, shattering the blessed silence. Natalia was trying to sync up her phone with the car in a bid to find them.

Toris also screamed, doing the first thing that came to mind. He grabbed a hammer from the back seat and smashed the unholy shit out of the computer. The screen and radio speakers abruptly turned off, but the car was still functioning just fine. “T-thank you Daddy.” Raivis whispered, on the verge of tears again.

“No problem. I'm a super hero remember?” Toris gave him a cheeky thumbs up. Raivis giggled as Toris kissed the sadness away. He was still much too small for an adult seat as he kicked his legs, seat belt floppy around him. There they were, mostly untraceable without phones. Only downside was, well, a lack of communication devices.

All that was left was Felix's picture and a report from that hired investigator. Toris had paid a handsome sum of cash to find his estranged former roommate. When the verbal abuse began increasing at home six months ago, rediscovering old roots suddenly became a very important goal.

“Daddy, you look at the picture lots.” Raivis observed loudly, as Toris gazed at the wrinkled photo in his wallet.

“Be careful now, this is important.” The brunet cautioned, letting the blonde boy hold his wallet a moment.

“Who's that.”

“That... is an old friend of mine.”

“He's a super hero too!?” Raivis asked excitedly, bouncing in his seat.

“Yes... Yes he is, a strong one. Hopefully.” Toris replied, faltering a little.

“Justice league!” the child cheered, seemingly recovered from the disaster that was dinner. Toris however, was not. With a faint wince of pain, He reclined in his seat again and resumed his journey. With only a quick prayer and the clothes in his car to sustain him, Toris drove with grim determination. It was finally time to visit a lost friend.


	11. Chapter 11

It was eleven at night when the door bell went off like crazy. Felix fumbled in the dark as he dragged along his half worn blanket, finally locating the light switch. “I'm coming! Calm down!” He yelled in Polish, too tired to English right now. The buzzer stopped at his words. Past his bedroom was a space just as visually varied. The eye jaunted from orange walls to zebra striped pillows, to purple bead curtains. Glittery things were sprinkled throughout, along with spare bits of missing laundry. It was controlled in comparison to living conditions of years past. Lazily re-wrapping the blanket toga style around his very naked body, Felix cracked the front door open and peaked out. He almost dropped his blanket clothes in shock.

It was Toris shivering in a T shirt, clutching the hand of a small warmly dressed child. Toris looked exhausted and carried an aura of defeated terror. It coloured his pale skin and emerald eyes dully, dragging him down like a ghost.

“Tortor...” Felix whispered, frightened this may be a dream... again.

“Please, just play along. I'll explain later.” The brunette replied in Polish, matching his volume. The desperate need in his voice was palpable.

Felix nodded, gaze never daring to leave his favourite old man in a young person's body. Always in dull browns and shades of grey. Time had etched a faint wrinkle or two in his face. Stress lines no doubt, based on his current condition.

“You see? A sleep over adventure at Felix's house. I promised so, right?” Toris spoke with false joy, looking down fondly at the child.

The boy yawned, looking as tired as Toris. “Daddy, he looks like the picture. Picture in the wallet.”

Overwhelmed, Felix nodded numbly and swallowed. After a minute he remembered words and manners. “That's... That's me! Good Ol' Felix. Come in, I was, um, super expecting you. A gift of mine. I'm like a freakin' wizard. Come on in, I'll just be a minute.” He greeted in the same plastic tones as the child's father.

A sex toy sitting out in the open was grabbed as Felix fled to his room, slamming the door behind him shut. Shoving rainbow star pyjamas on over briefs, he barely got the tag side in right. He was used to sleeping in the nude for the past four years. Oh no. Oh _no_.

He left his recreational pot on the counter for everyone to see. He had been so concerned about the anal beads and erotica he forgot the kitchen. Panicking, he barely opened the door, only collide with a waiting Toris. They both caught their balance before they fell, thankfully.

A blushing Toris clutched a small baggie of weed and an erotic art book to his chest. “You missed these.” he said in Polish, modest as always.

“Thanks...” Felix muttered, taking the incriminating objects.

“Daddy I'm tired.” the boy yawned, clinging to his father's leg. Toris looked to Felix, pensive. _Please help me out_ , it was written clear as day in body language.

Dressed proper now, Felix set the drugs and porn on the dresser and squatted down to the young boy's level. “I have a room ready. Just let me check for monsters.”

“Okay.” the blonde child mumbled, rubbing one bleary eye.

Felix went to his ex-roommates room, doing an adult things check. The had left in a hurry after all, leaving most of their possessions behind. Felix's run of roommates had been less than stellar since he left Toris behind, relationships even more shallow and meaningless than normal.

Seeing nothing but ugly blazers and a generic grey blanket, it was pretty much kid safe. Snatching a few used condom wrappers off the floor, Felix shouted “All clear! No dragons in this cave!”

The child peeked in, along with his father. “This room is the colour of sad.” the boy declared, eagerly climbing on the bed to jump.

“It is.” Felix agreed.

“I liked the blanket.” Toris muttered, looking away shyly.

“You know, I have something more fun.” Felix volunteered, going to fetch a better comforter. He returned with a leopard print one, 'Queen Bitch' across it in sloppy pink cursive.

While Toris blanched at the sight of it, the child screeched in joy. “It's cat coloured!”

“It sure is! Help me change the blanket.” The boy helped, but not much. He was barely tall enough for the job. His words were words, but missing grammar expected of an older kid. What the hell was going on?

Felix left father and son alone to perform whatever bed time ritual parents needed to do. After ten minutes, Toris closed the door and turned to face Felix. For a long moment, the adults couldn't say anything to each other, choked by their own silences.

“So... uh, you should sit.” Felix broke the social tension awkwardly.

“Yes. I should.” Toris agreed quickly, walking over in jerky halting steps. He sat, letting out a small noise. There it was again, that familiar expression of compressed constipation. The last time he made that face, he almost popped out his arm at work. Toris hadn't changed one bit.

“You're hurting bad. What happened?” Felix demanded, daring to shuffle closer.

“It's nothing... I'm fine. I'm fine and nothing is wrong.” The lie was as transparent as glass.

“Yeah, you're so fine you showed up without a coat at freakin' midnight on my doorstep. Looking like shit, by the way.” Felix started grilling the man out of old habit, but stopped sharply. Toris flinched at the volume and tone used, as if he'd been physically struck.

“Tortor, I... I know its been four years... but you can tell what's going on.” Felix offered, frowning as he placed a hand closer. Itching to touch, but not daring to.

“Can I? I was so awful to you. You were just trying to warn me, and I... I got so mad. I'm so sorry about treating you like shit.” Toris's grief painted every syllable, making them sour to the taste.

“It's... It's okay...” Felix muttered, now the one be bashful and forlorn.

“It's not! It's not okay. You were the only friend I had left after I moved from Poland and I just... I was terrible to you. I was stupid. I should have... I don't know..” Toris started out certain, then faded to darker than usual pessimism. It was a bitter brand of hopelessness previously unseen in the brunet.

Felix tucked a long strand of hair behind Toris's ear, revealing a face streaked by a single tear. “If you stick around, I think I could forgive you.”

“Really?” the response was barely heard. Still, it was the first audible scrap of hope to come from the man that wasn't a lie.

Turning Toris's morose face to face him with a touch, Felix said “Of course. You're my best friend too dummy.” Cupping a cheek affectionately, Felix could happily drown in those green eyes. They were a more verdant green, like lush northern forests. Felix's own eyes were a green verging on steely hazel. So much less impressive.

Realizing he was being ridiculously forward, Felix began to pull his own hand back. It was grabbed and squeezed as Toris spoke sincerely. “I'm sorry. I will earn your forgiveness, and hopefully, your trust again.”

 _You never lost it_ , Felix wanted to say. He wanted to say and do a lot of things, but most of them were wildly inappropriate or poorly timed. Instead, the blonde nodded and playfully teased “You better.”

Feliks never pressed Toris too hard for information, leaving him be as they watched the 1971 version of 'Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory' together. It was arguably one of their most favourite shared movies to watch. The used and and abused Lithuanian passed out cold not even ten minutes in. During the scene where the children entered the room with the chocolate milk waterfall, Gene Wilder's nostalgic song got the best of Felix every time.

_Come with me_   
_And you'll be_   
_In a world of pure imagination_   
_Take a look_   
_And you'll see_   
_Into your imagination_

Looking from the memorized scene on screen, the blonde observed his resting companion. Felix inched closer to his reconciled friend. As if being in his presence confirmed this wasn't a hallucination or a dream. Toris's slight breathing, the fluttering of his pretty lashes in sleep.

_We'll begin_   
_With a spin_   
_Traveling in_   
_The world of my creation_   
_What we'll see_   
_Will defy_   
_Explanation_

Felix's heart fluttered as he slid closer still, daring rest a hand on Toris's knee. The jeans he wore were frayed and nearly white from labour. The same as before. Hard working Toris, so dependable to have. Willing to run himself into the ground for others like a saint. This man deserved his own chapter in the bible.

_If you want to view paradise_   
_Simply look around and view it_   
_Anything you want to, do it_   
_Want to change the world?_   
_There's nothing to it_

Unconsciously reacting to the touch, Toris leaned slightly in Felix's direction as arms shifted. A brief hollow was created, Perfect for resting a head on a shoulder. The touch starved blonde took the window of opportunity, Slowly relaxing partially wrapped around the resting brunet.

_There is no_   
_Life I know_   
_To compare with pure imagination_   
_Living there_   
_You'll be free_   
_If you truly wish to be_

_If you want to see magic lands_   
_Close your eyes and you will see one_   
_Want to be a dreamer, be one_   
_Anytime you please and please save me one_

His heart beat was so strong and even, his breathing a calming cadence. Felix revelled silently in it, soaking in the body heat. Those semi chapped lips, parted just so.

_Come with me_   
_And you'll be_   
_In a world of pure imagination_   
_Take a look_   
_And you'll see_   
_Into your imagination_

Softly, Felix shifted his body. Toris's face tilted to his in rest. Without doubt or fear, he kissed that handsome face. It was just a quick peck on the lips, but it was everything. It was promise. Hands explored and gently touched the lithe yet solid body beneath it in wonder.

_There is no_   
_Place to go_   
_To compare with your imagination_   
_So go there_   
_To be free_   
_If you truly wish to be_

Barely words, almost breaths with empty shape. Felix talked quietly, feelings threatening to pull him undertow. “Toris, I love you. I never stopped loving you. This time I'm not giving up on you. I promise.” Toris didn't say anything, but he didn't have to.

_Living there_   
_You'll be free_   
_If you truly wish to be_

Felix didn't know when the movie ended. He passed out in the end, curled up in Toris's unconsciously clinging touch. The place Felix had belonged in for almost twelve years but never been to. Never again would they part, if the tenacious blonde had his way. Never ever again.


	12. Chapter 12

The house was empty of living energy, a grey shell. Broken plates were scattered on the floor, like bloody split teeth. An old spaghetti dinner still stuck to a few plates, and the wall where the plate was thrown. All of Raivis's clothes were gone along with Toris's work boots and tool belt. The sink dripped still. It was a dry tempo, never having been fixed. It was only one of many things broken in the home. Not that it was a home anymore.

Natalia drifted among these ruins of her own design, vodka bottle clutched in her hands. This nightmare was her fault, and had been from the start. She had developed some feeling for Toris, but she had never loved him. It had been an arrangement of convenience from the start. First it was just school marks and another place to crash when Ivan was hosting orgies.

When Toris proposed to her after graduation day, it come like an emotional punch in the face. What the hell were you even supposed to say in that situation? Could you even say no anymore? The social pressure had been intense, especially with the entire restaurant watching.

So Natalia caved. She forced a smile and even a few loose tears. She said yes. People used to get married all the time when they didn't like each other. This couldn't be that hard. She could do this. After all, Natalia had always wanted a great wedding and a husband of her own. The emotional snag of it all was just... an inconvenience.

The wedding had been glorious, the house immaculate, and their adopted child obedient. One couldn't ask for better, yet it was never enough. Natalia felt trapped in a prison of her own design, with no foreseeable escape. The prison was a dark place, of grit and tears, cemented shut with her own hatred.

She eventually came to hate Toris for pressuring her into this bleak existence. She hated Vanya for approving of the whole arrangement and paying for the lavish wedding. It transformed the beautiful ceremony into a financial contract as well as an emotional one. Most of all, Natalia hated herself. She had been so determined to please everyone, that her own dreams and ambitions were stripped away to jagged rust. She truly was a woman now, society's latest doll that soothed her pain with vodka and passive aggressive bitching.

In the end, this apocalyptic wasteland was all her fault. Glancing in Raivis's room for the tenth time today, the light of her life still wasn't there. Natalia loved the child, always and forever, she just had no idea how to convey it. She was simply too angry to facilitate the role of Mother. Perhaps she had never been able to do the job. Perhaps she had never been human at all, born a monster inside.

With a dry sob, she went to take another swig from the last vodka bottle in the house. It was empty. With a pained scream, she threw it as hard as she could against the living room wall. It shattered as it collided into a cluster of family photos. The smashed up photos fell, very suiting to reality. Nothing but broken dreams and promises.

So heavy with grief and angry thoughts she could barely walk, Natalia shuffled to the kitchen. She retrieved the sleek Makorov pistol from under the kitchen sink. Wouldn't it be elegant to die now? It would be a punch line to end the sad ballad that was her life. She checked the magazine in the hilt, noting six bullets inside. She clicked the cartridge back in and placed the barrel to her own temple. Infamous for having no safety lock, there was no going back on this pistol.

It was an impulse buy from weeks back, on one of her alleged visits to her 'sick brother'. In harsh reality, Vanya's lung infection had cleared up over two months ago. Mostly Natalia lied now, actually going to any variety of local bars to kill her soul with poison. Six or more shots of the strongest garbage any place had to offer. Quick and terrible, just like her.

Now she could end this tragic story. Just one pull of the trigger. After the longest five minutes of her life, Natalia put the weapon down with trembling hands. She couldn't do it this week anymore than last week. Her makeup beginning to run as wild as her tears, the ash blonde pulled out her phone. Dialing the one person she knew loved her, it began to ring.

“Hello little flower!” Ivan greeted brightly in Russian, the way he always had.

“Vanya. I think he's gone for good. It's been five days now.” The woman rambled in heaving gasps.

“What? Who left?” Ivan asked in concern.

“My marriage is over. My marriage is over and I was the one that killed it.” Natalia confessed, beginning to openly cry over the phone. This was the end of things, and nothing could fix it.


	13. Chapter 13

Toris nervously fixed his shaggy brown hair as he stood before his reflection. It was long due to neglect more than anything else. Who had time for hair cuts when you were busy working? It was easier to rake it back into a man bun and move on.

“Toris, you need to totally hurry up. The car might explode if it idles too long.” His colourful roommate, Felix, yelled through the bedroom door.

Toris was about to yell back he had the car fixed last week, but paused. “Have we had this conversation before? It feels like we have.”

“Nonsense. I'm coming in.” Felix dismissed, pushing into his own bright blue room. The blonde was wearing nothing but a towel, damp hair wavy from a shower. Looking over his dressed friend, Felix was clearly unimpressed. He cocked a brow but said nothing.

“You have to say something. I look good right?” Toris finally insisted, gesturing to his blazer and tie.

“There's not much to say. You're wearing three shades of beige.”

“It's not beige, it's burnt umber, desert sand, and ostrich egg.” Toris muttered quietly, then that sense of déjà vu tingled up his spine again. Okay, this was getting weird. Still he shook the feeling off. “Why aren't you ready yet?” the brunet added after a moment.

“What do you mean?” Felix replied lightly, adjusting his towel so it wouldn't fall.

“You were supposed to come with me today.”

“Why?” the blonde shot right back, absorbed with brushing his own hair in front of the dresser mirror.

“Because... I need the moral support.” Toris admittedly shyly, volume returning to normal after. “But if you're busy... It's okay. I didn't mean to impose.”

Felix looked happier than a child at Christmas. “You mean it Tortor? That you want me to come? I thought it was a family thing and I... Oh who cares! Give me fifteen minutes! I'm going to look so handsome!” the blonde squealed, sweeping Toris into a hug joyously. It was... very nice to a touch starved Toris. The sound of fabric hitting the floor followed.

Toris closed his eyes, hoping he wasn't blushing. “Felix. Did I just hear your towel fall off?”

“Maybe.” Felix giggled, letting go to get dressed.

“I'm going to need better than a maybe. I need to open my eyes so I know where I'm walking.”

“Oh you've seen it before. It's not the size of a truck.” the mischievous blonde teased.

“That was a camping trip when I was 18, and it was an _accident_. You were the one that decided to change outside.” Toris argued, trying not to remember the event. It came back anyway. That really had been a fun camping trip though.

“Because you shit in the tent.” Felix replied, the jingle of a belt nearby.

“I farted in the tent. There's a difference.”

“Fine. Air-shit in the tent.”

A knock on the door interrupted their silly domestics. “Daddy, what are you saying?” Raivis asked from the other side.

“I can't believe you didn't teach your kid Lithuanian or Polish. You're a monster.” Felix now accused in English, not serious at all.

Toris had slipped into the old habit of chatting in Polish so quickly, he forgot he was doing it at all. “Raivis, we were talking about... sandwiches in polish. Different kinds of sandwiches.” the parent scrambled to cover his present embarrassment.

“I'm coming in.”

“No, you can't! There's um... very adult...” Toris's flustered recovery was interrupted.

“Come on in little guy.” Felix greeted.

“No!” Toris ordered, snapping eyes open to seek his child and protect it. Felix wasn't naked at all, already in black skinny jeans and a sassy print shirt. Raivis looked at his dad with wide blue eyes, a foot frozen in mid stride over the door's threshold. “You weren't naked at all!”

“Nope.” Felix replied simply, fussing over his hair.

“Why you dressed up Daddy?” the boy asked, now ignoring the previous command. He hugged Toris's leg, unbelievably clingy since they fled Natalia two months ago. They legally moved in to Felix's place a mere week ago, when it was clear Natalia was locked in self-destruct mode.

“We have to go to the lawyers again.”

“I hate it there. It's dusty.”

“This time you can play with Felix while I talk with the grumpy grown ups, okay?” Toris promised, ruffling his son's hair.

“No! You'll go away! My daddy!” the child suddenly cried, holding on with more of a vice-like grip than before. The sharp outburst of emotional pain was alarming. Both Felix and Toris stopped their preparations, kneeling to the child's level.

“I'll never leave you Raivis. Never ever.” the father cooed, wrapping around the now sniffling boy. Raivis burrowed under his blazer, attaching like a stubborn barnacle. Felix looked at a loss over this, then smiled. Without warning, he snatched Toris's bony wrist and stole the watch off it. Not resisting in the slightest, Toris looked at him quizzically.

“He has to come back. I stole his watch.” Felix announced. The sad child looked at the tricky blonde curiosity.

Understanding the ploy like all parents do, Toris played along. “That's right. That watch is very important to me.” It wasn't. He had two just like it in the dresser.

“It is. It's the most important ever.” Felix went on, making a real show of things.

“Why?” Raivis asked. He releasing a death grip on his father to investigate the magical qualities of the time piece.

With a faint fluttering of the heart, Toris looked lovingly to Felix and his son. “It tells the times that we're all together... It reminds me to come home on time every day to you.”

Felix blushed faintly and looked away demurely as Raivis smiled brightly. The shy child's whole demeanour changed instantly at the sentimental statement. “I'll make sure Felix don't break the watch daddy. Keep him on the straight and narrow!” Raivis declared bravely, no longer trembling with fear or sorrow.

“I'm relying on you son. This is a very important job.” Toris reinforced this positive moment with a pat on that little shoulder.

“Let's move princess! Grumpy people time!” the boy ordered, partially imitating a show from TV. Now tugging on a baggy shirt sleeve, Raivis acted with sass possibly greater than Felix.

As Felix was dragged out of the room by someone one third his height, he looked back at Toris. The parent mouthed the words 'thank you' in polish, earning a thumbs up from the blonde. The ride to the lawyer's office was certainly an entertaining one. Felix insisted on finishing his fastidious hair styling routine, despite it literally taking over ten minutes every day.

“I don't understand why you need so long to get ready.” Toris commented during a red light stop.

“Perfection takes time Mr. Man bun.” Felix hushed him, while playing with hair mousse and a comb in the side mirror.

As Raivis focused on the watch, Felix preened, and Toris drove in silence. Arriving a minute late, The car was parked. The in car computer screen was still smashed to holy shit. After getting estimates, it was decided it was easier to just ignore the holes. Instead, the nonfunctional device was now an art piece. Every other day Raivis drew a new crayon picture to tape over the wreckage. Today's feature was a blue dog with not enough legs or eyes. It was a master piece to Toris.

“So... I shouldn't be too long. Then we can go play mini put like you wanted.” Toris promised, looking to his boy with fondness, then to Felix more sternly. Felix gave a thumbs up.

“You can do this Toris.” Felix cheered.

“Daddy could beat up a dinosaur.” Raivis agreed, clearly knowing his facts.

With that, the nervous wreck of a father left the cozy warm car and stepped into the winter world outside. The wind howled and whipped the snow into arcs of glittering white. Entering the lawyer's offices, a wall of heat forced him to peel off his long wool 'detective coat', as Raivis referred to it.

Natalia was already there, looking devastatingly beautiful as usual. Her expression seemed frozen from how emotionless it was. Toris knew, especially now, there was absolutely nothing he could do to warm her heart. The lawyer gave them a basic run down of what the latest documents did. Both parents already knew.

This stack of documents was the very end. There was no more extra chances once they were signed. Toris and Natalia would be officially separated. With the lawyer saying everything he had to say, he motioned to all the forms they needed to sign. Natalia never said a word as she put her signature down in several places. Toris looked with concern at her, but didn't dare speak. Her temper had been fairly explosive the last three meetings after all.

With the deed done, the lawyer took the papers back. “That should be everything. Once processed, you will both be back to your maiden names as well.”

“That's... um. Can I have time alone? Just a minute” Toris requested politely.

“I suppose. We are almost finished up here.” The other man shrugged, gesturing to the hall just outside.

Natalia followed Toris out without a sound, yet to express a single feeling. “Nat. You have to say something. It's not good to hold things in.” he urged, yet to touch her. Truthfully, he was terrified to. He couldn't even count the number of times she screeched at him like a harpy or physically struck him.

“What is there to say? I failed.” Natalia uttered, finally looking at him coldly.

“No. You didn't fail. We didn't fit. We never fit together. I... I forced us together.” Toris replied tiredly. “I gave you everything you know. The house. Anything we earned together in the joint account. It's all yours now.”

“But you get to have my son.” She murmured, a few tears starting run.

“You can visit him supervised.” Toris answered tightly. It was hardly surprising that she failed court issued psychological tests so spectacularly. Years of resentment was locked in her like a ticking bomb. “Christmas is in three weeks. You're more than welcome to come.”

“At Felix's house.” The spite was palpable, her expression turning dark and ugly.

“Yes, at Felix's house.” Toris repeated, compassion quick to fade. It was clear, only her anger was present today. He gave up on the encounter, walking stiffly back into the office. “So, were done here? Is it just about the bill?”

The lawyer nodded, “Yes, that's about it.”

“Charge it to my account like before. Thank you very much for your services.” Toris explained, shaking hands with the man. The clack of Natalia's heels was already heard leaving as he did so. Toris returned to the car, his roiling emotions beginning to resemble to storm winter around him.

He sat in the car, slamming the door shut. Pulling one of Felix's silly scrunchies out of his hair, Toris raked his long hair over his face. He wanted to scream and hit something, just because it would feel so good. A soft touch on the shoulder pulled him out the dark recesses of his mind.

“Toris. Did it go well?” Felix asked gingerly, kindness in his eyes. His hair did look fabulous after so much preparation. It make Toris's locks look like a rat nest.

“As well as it could have.” Toris admitted.

“Can we mini putt now?” Raivis demanded, standing on the back seat to look and lean closer.

“Yeah, sit in your seats and buckle up.” Toris ordered, though not as harshly as the boy was used to under previous care.

Grinning, the child obeyed. Felix was a little more reluctant, but rolled his eyes and buckled up. The indoor mini putt place was practically abandoned, given the terrible weather. Inside was neon colours and tiling reminiscent of outer space. A bored looking attendant sat behind a counter, browsing a magazine. Toris approached the counter tentatively. The depressed visage changed to a customer service smile. 

“Welcome to Out Of This World Putt Palace. My name is Joseph, how can I help you?”

“Admission for two adults and one child please.” Toris requested politely, paying the cost. As the father brought over the putters, he paused to watch something completely miraculous. His easily terrified son was laughing and playing with anyone other than his own dad. It was heart warming and wonderful, Raivis interacting with Felix.

“Tortor! Stop being deaf so we can play!” Felix hollered, firing Toris's scrunchy from earlier with his fingers. It bounced off the intended target's face.

“Right. Sorry.” Toris murmured softly. He handed over the putters, then took off his long wool coat. His squirming four year old son was soon out of his winter layers. It was a bit of a wrangling job but Toris was proud of his time, only a few minutes.

The glow-in-the-dark aspect of the mini putt was amusing. Nothing about Toris glowed at all in the black light, as dim as his usual existence. Raivis shrieked with delight when the dinosaur on his shirt glowed, proceeding to run around and imitate roars. Felix was the phosphorescent god. Everything about him shone ridiculously. From his hot pink shirt to experimental blue hair highlights, the blonde could have passed as an ultraviolet rock star.

It was one tender moment after another, attacking Toris's vulnerable heart. Even Raivis puking up his onion rings couldn't ruin the atmosphere. As a parent, the brunet had become all but immune to displays of bodily malfunction. Raivis was a terribly picky eater after all.

The long day came a close. Everyone piled into the rental house, turning to individual tasks. Felix cooked dinner for three, a humble box dinner of macaroni and cheese. Raivis was enamoured with his Lego bricks. Toris did general clean up of everything, including stray Lego pieces. They truly were the devil's landmines.

Eating dinner had once been very formal when Toris was married. It was always done at a table, with the proper cutlery. Natalia had even insisted with phones being off so they had to talk. For all the lesser abuse she had dealt out over the years, the sexy transwoman had been a creature of good habits. A lot of the behaviour had permanently stuck with the remaining family. Casual dinner on a couch simply wasn't an option now. It was rude to even consider such things.

“Did you have a nice day?” Toris asked Raivis. Between cheesy bites of noodles, the boy nodded. “I had fun. I got to be a dinosaur in space putt. After this, I'm building castles.”

“That's good. Felix did you have a nice day?”

Felix for once was bashful, smiling softly and averting a demure gaze from time to time. It was ridiculous cute. “Yeah. It was nice to see everyone happy.” After a moment the two adults met eyes, green to green. It was an electric moment, if only for a few seconds. It made Toris's long neglected heart beat harder. “And... work is going well. I have a guy that wants a web page set up for Monday. Thursday I'm painting a house on Third and Wesson. You know, the murder house next to the LCBO.”

Felix was was jack of all trades, and master of none. After failing university spectacularly, he resumed his life of small time jobs. His current occupations were web design, house painting, and selling pot on the weekends. Honestly, as long as the drugs were below Raivis's radar, Toris didn't much care. He used to get completely baked with the blonde on weekends and holidays.

Felix and Raivis chatted while Toris largely ate in silence. There was only so much you could say about being a building inspector. After finished eating, Toris collected all the plates and cleaned up quietly. It was simply a role he adjusted to over the four years living with Natalia. He always used to cook too, but Felix insisted on splitting house chores more evenly.

A hand paused his hygienic routine, squeezing rubber gloved fingers. “So... It's Friday night, and I have some guys dropping by for girl scout cookies. So... If it makes you feel uncomfortable...” A normally bold Felix explained carefully, close enough to bump hips with him.

It should have bothered Toris, man of everything subtle and responsible. Tonight, after the stress of finalizing his messy divorce, it simply didn't. He wanted to let go and fly so high he touched space.

“I think I'll stick around and help.” the Lithuanian replied coyly, pulling the drain for the sink.

“Well... In that case... I'll light one up.” Felix teased, winking as he walked away. Toris froze at the unmistakable tone used. The polish blonde had just blatantly flirted with him, giving a light pat on the ass before departing. Blushing hotly, Toris lost all focus. Felix couldn't have held a flame for him after four years of waiting. That was a crazy impossibility. Toris simply wasn't _worth_ waiting four years for.

All the same, the distracted father checked on his son. Raivis was out cold on his bed, still clutching the many toys he had been playing with. With a level of stealth only years of practice achieved, Toris slipped sound blocking headphones over those goofy little ears. He then tucked raivis's fluffy green blanket around and left the boy to rest.

Of course this was all mere precautions. Felix was quite loud when he was high, laughing at everything. Toris was just as guilty of buffoonery, his moods shifting and colourful under the influence. Already, Felix was starting the party in the living room. Toris crashed next to him, taking a long inhale off a lit joint. Taking it all in, then exhaling slowly. Unwinding and breathing, another puff, then uncurling tense internal springs of stress further.

Some time later, Toris was watching a Transformers cartoon and he couldn't remember why. He looked to his content companion, who was enjoying dessert bars like they were something sexual. Wow did those little chocolate squares look great. Really really great.

Stealing a bitten one off Felix's plate, Toris ate it all and groaned. “That is so fucking delicious. Oh my god.”

“I know right? They were on sale.” Felix replied, giggling after. “I think I forgot how to get up.”

“What was in that blunt? It's just, wow, and wow.” Toris asked as he ate another vanilla brownie thing. It even had a satisfying texture and smell.

“A northern lights and purple rain strand. I bought it on sale.”

“You are so good at finding sales. You're so smart.” Toris blurted out. The door bell rang for the tenth time, signifying one of Felix's customers.

“Thanks. You're smart too.” The blond muttered, giving Toris's leg a gentle pat as he stood to answer the door.

Toris had no intention of dropping the subject, right back at it when his friend returned. “Is that the last pick up?”

“Yeah, I don't take drop-ins on Fridays.” Felix replied, smiling brightly.

“Come here.” Toris ordered, gesturing to advance with curl of fingers. When Felix was in grabbing range, he was pulled onto Toris's slack dressed lap. That thin labour hardened body was squeezed and hugged with both arms, warm to the touch. That berry scented body wash was almost entirely dissipated, enough for Felix's own musk to faintly drift through. Toris inhaled and memorized the experience nuzzled against his face.

“You're fun when your high.” Felix said, occupied with trailing his fingers along Toris's scalp. Petting him, badly braiding the longer unkempt hair.

“Felix. Felix. You've been to nice to my son, so nice. That means so much to me. You've been so patient, and you put up with my shit, and...” Toris started confessing, fuzzy with marijuana and bottled feelings. Taking in a deep breath, he used Felix's brownie crumb speckled shirt to dab at errant tears. “I'm serious. Since the divorce started, You've been everything. _Everything_ to us, to me. I can't even... words. Fuck. I'm so happy.”

“You make me happy too.” Felix replied sincerely, eyes watering up a little. “This feels like a dream.” he murmured blissfully. His heart was beating madly when Toris pressed an ear to that lean chest, Just like his. The rhythm of joy, of... Toris didn't know. “So that's all it takes to get you going? Being nice to Ravvie?” Felix teased, shifting his weight a little.

Despite distant internal threats of ruining their friendship, Toris took advantage. He pinned the lighter man to the couch on his back, pressing against splayed inner thighs with his lower body. Kissing and holding the blonde passionately as Toris dry humped mindlessly, there was no logic left.

Mindfulness returned, panic following in it's steps. “I'm... I'm sorry. I'm super fucking high, and I never even asked, I just assumed. I'm so sorry.” He stammered fearfully, propped on elbows above his blushing partner of sorts.

“It's... It's okay. How long has it been since you've had any attention?” Felix chuckled, still wrapped around him possessively.

“T-ten months... and two weeks, and a day.” Toris answered lowly in shame, burying a sad expression in the crook of that kissable neck. The wound-up brunet had been counting, but he couldn't help it. He was love starved and hungry for sex, especially after helping Natalia transition all of the way to becoming a woman proper. She lost all interest in intimacy after that, insecure about her transformed southern regions. Between that and loopy hormone treatments, it had been a long dry year.

“Tortor, It's okay.” Felix whispered lovingly, pulling Toris's face to him and kissing it. The lips were soft and sweet, tasting of cocoa and deliciousness when they parted to consume him. They paused only to breathe. 

“It is?” Toris mumbled, a little dizzy from all the attention.

“Yeah, because I want you to fuck me. Do everything to me.” Felix spoke with confidence, pressing upwards until he conformed hard with Toris's equally excited everything. Toris shuddered and groaned, caving into his need for physical affection. Squeezing tight, he bucked a little purely for pleasurable friction.

“I don't want to ruin our friendship. I couldn't stand losing you again.” Toris admitted, a completely sentimental ball of mush.

“You won't. I'll never leave.” Felix promised, his hand now giving Toris's angrily swollen cock a squeeze in it's fabric boxer prison. With a yelp and a primitive moan, Toris quickly got off the couch on a new mission. Felix was quite literally tossed over a shoulder and carried off to be ravaged, smiling wide all the while.

Raivis slept soundly with headphones on, never hearing a thing.


	14. Chapter 14

T-rexes were the coolest, or maybe raptors. It was hard to pick. Raivis honestly liked all dinosaurs. They were the first thing he was given a book about when he arrived in Canada. Of course the trip there had been hellish, tossed between Latvian and Russian contacts like a crate of goods. No one to answer his questions, or pay him any attention.

Naturally, Raivis had attached to Toris the second it was clear the man was his new father. Right in the airport, waiting to greet him with a shiny new book about dinosaurs. The boy knew he was lucky enough to be adopted at all, from a world of lonely orphan days. No friends. No mother. A child lost in the cracks of society until now. The fearful blonde was _never_ going to let go of his daddy.

If only daddy could be here now. There was only Felix, Daddy's new not-wife, supervising as Mother coloured with Raivis at the table. It was honestly always terrifying. He had never bonded to his adoptive Mother in the slightest, despite giving it a try for a few months.

The severely strict parent figure simply reminded him too much of the woman from the orphanage. An angry woman with blatant problems, the sting of the matron's crop whip had been sharper than her Russian lilted words. This 'Mother' of his had been no different, shrieking things as she threw heavy glass ware. It only happened once, but it was enough.

Raivis may be a prey animal in this relationship, but he was going to act his little heart out. Anything to save his skin until it was time to leave. It was a time the frightened blonde hoped was soon. The little boy couldn't count that many minutes ahead on his fingers.

“That's a very nice raptor.” Mother cooed, in her frozen manner of existing. “I drew it for you.” the young boy replied, on the verge of trembling with anxiety again. He really hadn't, focusing on drawing anything at all to distract himself.

“Oh... I love you too.” the ex-parent's stern flat line of an attempted smile became the real thing. “You're so precious to me.” she said softly, gently side hugging the child. Raivis barely breathed at first, wondering when she was going to rip him open like a bag of chips. If Daddy was a superhero like he claimed, Mother was definitely capable of ripping people into bite sized pieces.

Act harder! Act harder! Hugging back in fearful shallow breaths, Raivis played along. “I'll never hurt you. You're my little star, you know that?” Mother promised.

“You'll only –” _hit me like you used to hit Daddy._ Putting a shaking little palm over his mouth as he looked away, Raivis was just the worst liar. He couldn't help himself sometimes. The suffocating hug ended, Felix looking unimpressed on the other side of the room.

“Only what, dear?” the scary lady asked.

“I love you!” Raivis lied, desperate to change subjects. This pleased her for the time being.

Felix's open hatred for Natalia was well known and quite venomous. Aside from mediocre potato dinners and Lego playtime, the friendly animated man was great for fast getaways. Raivis made eye contact with Felix while trapped at the kitchen table. Desperate grey blue eyes screaming for help, expression flat.

The Polish man kicked into action, sensing the danger. “It's time to go.” he announced.

“I have five minutes left.” Mother snarled, equally distrusting of Felix.

“You have _four_ minutes left. And It's Toris's birthday, so I have to pick up party supplies.”

At this, Mother silenced. Her expression only grew darker. Oh god save Raivis. Not another cat fight! This wasn't helping at all. “Fine. Have fun with your whore.” she cursed, giving Raivis enough space to escape.

“Tortor is not a whore, you miserable hag.” Felix shot right back. Mother looked on the verge of exploding again, squeezing the life out of a stress ball in her left hand. With surprisingly humility and grace, she ignored Felix's clear attack. She looked ready to blow a blood vessel from the titanic effort.

“Bye Mama!” Raivis bid goodbye affectionately, still acting. He couldn't lie for shit, but he could put on a hell of a show. Darting to the door, He started pulling on his little snow boots. Anything to get the hell out here, out of this fear stained house.

“Bye sweetheart! I'll see you next week!” Mother bid goodbye, seeming to be actually happy again.

Not even a block away, the stress of it all got to the child. He burst into tears at a red light, catching Felix's attention. The car was pulled over to an empty parking lot in a hurry. “What's the matter big boy?” Felix asked, leaving just the heater on for them.

Finally grown up enough to not need a car seat, the five year old's hiccuping sniffled were halted slightly. Raivis was a big boy now, that was right! “N-n-nothing. I'm not crying.”

Felix's eyes, green verging on steely hazel, darkened at the denial. He audibly swallowed and patted his lap. “Can you come here?” He asked nicely. It was always nice when tall people asked Raivis first. Needing something to cry on, the child easily complied. Seeking shelter in friendly arms, Raivis let out a few more grieving noises.

“I have a secret for you.” Felix whispered, snuggling him tight.

“W-what is it.” Raivis asked, soaking in the positive attention.

“It's a super secret. Can I trust you?”

“Yes! I want to know the secret!” the boy chimed in, wiping a few tears away.

“It's okay to be a boy and cry. It's okay.” Felix promised, dabbing moisture off Raivis's face with a tissue.

“It is?”

“Yes. I cry sometimes too, and you know what that makes me?” Felix prompted.

“Pretty.” Raivis replied instantly, repeating his daddy's own affections from that morning.

“Well, I... Yes, I suppose.” Felix murmured bashfully a moment, before returning to the original topic. “It makes me a healthy happy person. Repeat after me. Feelings are good.”

“Feelings are good.” the boy repeated, in rough polish, just for extra points. He was picking up on English and Polish quickly as they were the only languages spoken at home. His Russian and Estonian were started to fall behind, but no one seemed concerned. Being bi-lingual was hard enough.

“Very good! You're a good boy! It's okay to cry when you're scared.” Felix pressed on, ruffling his hair kindly.

Feeling a lot better, and leagues safer than before, the child calmed and gave a toothy smile. He was still losing baby teeth all over the place. “Okay. Can we see daddy?”

“He'll be home in an hour, and it's going to be his birthday. We gotta surprise him.”

“Cake! We'll make cake!” Raivis cheered.

Felix, in some respects, was a terrible chef. Box mix cake was no exception. Forty minutes later, Felix and the child were looking at a charred puck of a cake. Felix's entire colourful house stunk of burnt food.

“Uh oh.” Raivis mumbled.

“Um... You know Ravvie, we need something from the store really quick.” Felix didn't want to talk about it.

“Like a new cake.”

There was a sigh from the proud adult. “Yes, like a new cake.”

Raivis loved the grocery store. He liked seeing all the fruits and things he wasn't allowed before, back in Latvia. The orphanage never really have access to the types of financing you needed to buy fruit. So, maybe once a year Raivis would see an orange, or maybe bananas. Not like now, walking through aisles that resembled fresh picked rainbows.

“Apples!” Raivis squealed as he was dragged along.

“Focus Ravvie. We have to pick a cake and get back as fast as we can.” Felix noted, not looking back.

Oh right... cake! The cake display was like art, all shapes and sizes. There was chocolate, lemon, vanilla, and finally the best combination. White chocolate with strawberries, a pretty crown of frosting and berry slices on top. “Berry!” the child blurted out, plastering himself against the display window.

Gently tugging him from the glass, Felix gestured to a tall person behind the displays. “Can I get the strawberry shortcake please, the little one there.”

Raivis watched the cake reverently as it was removed from the case. “Felix! We gotta have words on it. We _gotta_.”

The white chef guy behind the glass chuckled and came out to squat before Raivis. “Aren't you cute little guy! What's the occasion, your birthday?”

Loving the attention, Raivis gave a smile. “Daddy's man-wife burnt the birthday cake.”

Felix blushed darkly, looking away. He coughed into a balled fist. “Just write happy birthday.”

The chef guy laughed but added no additional commentary. Cake written on in passable English cursive, the duo were headed home in no time. It was silent, with not even the radio on. Felix must be mad.

“Did I make you angry?” Raivis asked as he played with his seat belt in the back seat.

“No... You just, I'm not... No. I'm not mad.” Felix replied stiffly, for once not chatty and charismatic.

“You're mad. I'm sorry.” Raivis apologized immediately, sincerely. He always found himself having to apologize for being outspoken before. That hardly changed now.

“I'm not a man-wife.” Felix corrected, blushing hotly as he drove.

“You cook and love Daddy. And you kiss boo-boos better, and you look pretty. And you're wearing a ring.” Raivis pointed out in innocent confusion.

“It's a... a promise ring. We just live together.” the adult deflected poorly.

“Are you Daddy's husband?”

“That's not what promise rings are for. Say, Ravvie...” Felix changed the subject abruptly, looking ready to cook from his own humility. “What's your very favourite kind of dinosaur?”

Always ready to talk about dinosaurs, Raivis took to the subject graciously. He was still talking about it when they brought the cake in the house. Daddy was late from work. Anxiety began to build in the child immediately. “Daddy didn't die did he?” he asked gravely.

“No silly. He's just late. Help me pick up garbage before Toris gets here. That way he'll think we did stuff.” Felix replied, putting the cake in the fridge. They scrambled to clean before the door clicked and locked open. A gust of early spring cold blew into the house as Toris trudged in, half frozen slush clinging to his boots.

“Felix. I'm so tired.” Daddy groaned, squatting to greet and hug a very eager Raivis.

Felix closed the door, hugging Toris from behind when he stood. “Welcome home, Tortor.”

Daddy always acted weird with such encounters. Sometimes he changed colours or sputtered, he almost always hugged back. Today he mostly made happy noises. Must be an adult thing.

“Happy birthday!” Raivis cheered, throwing a crumpled fistful of torn napkins.

“Why did you do that?” Daddy asked.

“Felix said your favourite colour was poop. They didn't have poo coloured party decorations at the store. We made paper dolls out of napkins instead.”

“We saved ten dollars.” Felix stated proudly.

Toris looked ready to reprimand them for using all the stashed restaurant napkins in the kitchen. But he didn't. There was strings of napkin dolls everywhere, with a hand coloured 'Happy Birthday' banner above the TV in the living room. It was evidence they had been decorating all Sunday instead of cleaning.

“It looks wonderful. Only you could turn stolen napkins into party streamers and get away with it.” Daddy praised. Felix smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

“I coloured the banner.” Raivis boasted.

“It looks like art! You did such a good job!”

“I _did_. Because I love you the most.” the boy replied, hugging a leg. It was true! He had managed to stay in the lines a lot of the time, which was kind of a big deal. His hand and eye co-ordination were pretty terrible.

“Let me just sit and breathe you guys.” Daddy said, dropping his tool belt on the floor. He kicked off slush filthy shoes as Felix took his coat and hung it up. With a sigh, he crashed on the couch. Daddy always looked tired towards the end of the week, or weekends. He had such difficulty leaving his job sometimes. There was always something extra left to do. He simply didn't like putting a task done until it was done.

“We got you a present.” Raivis put a present on the man's lap. “Open it. Open it.”

“Okay... Opening it.” Daddy replied, carefully unwrapping the paper to save it for another use. Raivis could barely stand watching the infuriating display of frugality. Present wrapping was for ripping to shreds!

Finally, the box was uncovered. It was a large shoe box holding a new leather tool belt. “Guys, I love it. Is this real leather?”

“Yes. We picked out the most boring colour they had.” Felix explained.

Daddy really liked it. He just had that look about him. “It's perfect, and so practical.” he praised, looking to everyone present.

Dinner was Felix's perogies, which were one thing he really excelled at. As nice as the food was, the child near vibrated with joy for cake. This whole 'celebrating your birthday' scene was something Raivis was very on board with. He still wasn't entirely used to it, since his birth parents had not been around to instill the tradition in him.

The second Felix finished his dinner like a slowpoke, Raivis was on the case to help! The four year old did his very best, only dropping a fork or two. Daddy stood to help but Felix pushed him down in his chair. “Nope. Birthday man has to sit and wait for a surprise.”

“Is the surprise a cake with the packaging still on it?” the father asked dryly.

“We made it with money!” Raivis cheered in rough polish.

“The surprise is a surprise! So sit.” Felix said with unconvincing finality. Daddy frowned but stayed.

Raivis watched Felix struggle with the packaging then later stick two number shaped candles in it. With the flick of a zippo lighter, the scene was set. Felix then began singing Sto lat, a song he claimed was for birthdays in Poland. Being an immigrant, he didn't know the English version. Not certain what the hell the silly man was singing, Raivis started up his own birthday song. It was Daudz baltu dieniņu, in Latvian. The arrangement was weird and strange, given that Raivis's birthday song was twice as long as Felix's. All the same, Daddy looked very happy to be sang to.

“Daddy, why is there candles in your cake?” Raivis asked at the end.

“It's a silly Canadian thing. I make a wish and blow them out now, right?” Toris asked to confirm, not having celebrated his adult birthday in all the time he lived with Mother.

“Uh... Yes.” Felix confirmed after glancing at his phone.

“I wish –” Daddy was interrupted sharply.

“You can't say the wish out loud or it doesn't count.” Felix corrected.

Daddy rolled his eyes, then looked at the boys fondly. “Okay.” Then he blew out the candles.

“Happy... um... old birthday Daddy!” the child cheered, unable to say thirty one in Polish.

“Thirty... One...” Felix sounded out while pointing to the number candles.

“Thir...” Raivis struggled, because Polish was ridiculous.

This time Daddy helped along until his son got it correctly. It took several tries. “Wow Daddy your _old_. That's a long time.” Raivis finally replied after repeating the number correctly.

The exasperated parent looked away. “I'm not old. I'm... mature.” Tucking a long strand of brown hair behind an ear, he carried the cake off to be cut into neat slices. “Are you looking forward to kindergarten tomorrow?” 

“Yes! I made a friend named Ed. He's good at numbers, like... fifty. At least fifty numbers.” Raivis replied, desperately trying to peek over the counter at the cake.

“Sit.” Daddy ordered, becoming vaguely annoyed.

Eager to please, the boy obeyed and sat in chair at the table. All the while his blue gaze trained on cake. “The teacher wanted to talk to you.” Raivis noted absently as he stared holes in icing.

“Again?” Daddy muttered, now placing perfect slices on plates.

“You're both going right?” the child asked.

The adults sat at the table with slices of cake, giving one to Raivis. They then looked to each other. A silent question in the air that the child simply didn't sense. He was far too busy mowing down cake like a starving man. It was heavenly, with fluffy pink insides.

“Yeah. We're both coming.” Daddy replied, wearing almost a proud smile. Felix become strangely shy, pushing cake around with a fork as he hid behind his bangs. The barest thread of a grin present. Looking down from his improvised family unit, the child enjoyed frosting. Life was good.


	15. Chapter 15

Another session, another waste of time. Natalia walked out of the psychologist office, more angry than when she started. She was doing this for that stupid court full of idiots. It was the only way she could see her adopted little baby. Raivis, the light of her life. The little innocent bundle of love from Latvia that stole her heart almost two years ago.

It was brisk spring, and she was dressed to the cutting edge of fashion. Pale turquoise, silver and white with touches of orange. Take that, black winter collection from Fashion Week!

Brother was waiting faithfully, listening to his tasteless house music as he smoked out an open window. For someone that always wore the latest trends, he really was a mess in a gold wrapper. Ivan started reinforcing her shrink visits when it was discovered she was skipping them to go to local bars. It wasn't Natalia's fault vodka was a better listener. The siblings nodded in acknowledgement as she climbed into the car and buckled up.

“It went well?” he asked in Russian, turning off the shit music.

“The usual.” Natalia replied tersely.

“You're doing this for Raivis.”

“I'm doing this for Raivis.” Natalia repeated, wishing there was a better reason. Wishing she didn't hate herself for losing her temper so often.

“Katya set us all up for a terrible singles event at some bar.” Ivan informed, with absolutely no warning. 

“Fuck! Why?” Natalia protested, taking a cigarette off her brother. Sweet sweet nicotine fill her and kill her soul.

“You know how big sister is. Meddling.” Ivan explained in an off hand way, starting the car.

Ugh. Dating, men, and all the unfiltered emotional shit that came with it. Sure Natalia hadn't been given a good fuck in two years, but that wasn't a good enough reason. Not now, not ever. “Can't I just call up a male prostitute to act as a boyfriend?”

“We both know that doesn't work. She asks too many questions.” Ivan answered. He had tried a similar tactic to get out of match making at a Christmas party. Truth be told, both miserable siblings had a terrible record of plain bad luck with partners.

The bar this hellish event was occurring in was one of Natalia's favourites. It was the Twisted Cherry, a fashionable bar that was actually more affordable than they let on. They also actively carded people, so you could flirt with people and not get arrested. That was nice.

A regular of the place, Natalia didn't need more than a gesture before a Cape Cod was slid into her hands. Sipping the pretty yet powerful mix drink, the femme fatale sized up her prey for the evening. Men and women in a variety of casual clothes, nothing worth more than a look. Boring!

Big sister emerged from the gathering cloud of single bastards, looking crazy in a bright cat sweater. The sad truth was she was not the worst dressed there. “Oooh you both made it!” Ekaterina greeted with a sunny smile.

“How are you not adopted?” Ivan greeted dryly in return.

“Oh you love it, right Vanushka?” Katya cooed, pinching his cheeks in motherly fashion.

Blushing faintly, Ivan mumbled “You're embarrassing me in front of the new people.”

Natalia said nothing, sipping her drink. Despite lack of notable movement, she was still caught in her sister's affections. “Yes. Yes. I'm here.” she replied with less acid than usual. Katya eventually released the hug she launched, freeing a numb Natalia.

In no time at all, the speed dating began. This was awkward and terrible. Man after man, all inane and mind numbing like the mix drink she had earlier. After three minutes talking to a loser about his sick puppy, another equally cynical man sat before her. He was the only guy dressed nicely, in a fitting suit with nice Italian leather shoes.

“Well. At least you don't look like shit.” the brunet stranger greeted abruptly with a faint Italian accent.

“Why are you even here?” Natalia asked, just as cutting and heartless.

“My brother black mailed me into this. And it's a bar. So at least I can get drunk.”

“Fair enough.” the ash blonde looked over to her sister. Oh god, was she sitting with Matthew? Matthew, the cross dresser nurse from her old job, was just the worst. He never ever shut up about his three cats during breaks between shows. The one time she asked the pest to shut up, he looked like he was mortally wounded. He had big weepy doe eyes and everything.

At seeing her hide her face in humiliation, the handsome Italian stranger looked over at the unfolding mess that was Katya and Matthew.

“Holy shit, are they both crying now?” he observed sharply. They were, and it was utterly ridiculous. The comment was less out of hate, more of a disdain for such displays.

For once, Natalia fully agreed. “Unfortunately, my sister is over there.”

“I'm so sorry for your loss.” Her not-date offered sympathetically.

“You understand then.”

The only good looking pair looked around them, both equally uncomfortable with the event. “The name's Romano. You wanna leave?”

“Only if you buy me a drink that can kill a small child.” Natalia counter-offered, batting her eyes at him.

“I'd love to.” He agreed, eager to flee.

On the way out, Ivan was nowhere to be seen. Natalia checked her phone, reading a barely legible text from her brother. 'Found ezy blonde, busy kk loveu' was followed a less than glamorous picture. It was Ivan with some cocky looking blonde that looked absolutely smashed, glasses askew.

Oh poor tasteless brother. When would he learn?

Shrugging this off, Natalia played it cool as she headed out for the first possible date since her train wreck of a divorce. Huh, she was dating again. The therapist was right after all. She was growing as a person, trying to push her horizons. Natalia was probably not a marriage murdering monster after all.

She was merely human, learning from her mistakes.


End file.
